Wed and Thur were sleepless nights; painful and stormy, hot and cold, just one of those couple of days.

Considering the fact that I've felt significantly better the past couple weeks it's always a bitter reminder when it comes back.

Sleeping last night was great, even slept through my normal 3am wakeup. I was shocked to check the clock this morning and it was 11:30,,, My body was on fire and ripped with pain; 12 hours of sleep great, 12 hours with no medication is not recommended. My back and hip were on fire, The rest of my body was raw nerves, and my ear was buzzing and jaw was already starting to radiate that reminder that all is not well in Whoville.

I often wonder what goes through my cat's mind when she watches me struggle to turn over to get to my meds and water; normally in the morning when I turn over she hops off the bed thinking I might be getting up. Mornings like this she just lays there, watching me and after I finally get to everything and collapse back down she slowly crawls back up and cuddles along my back... Not all cats may be such intuitive healing creatures but I know Bria is. Normally she is in the bedroom all day, and she hasn't left my side all day today.

Amazingly July 27, middle of summer and it's 64 degrees out, I'm wearing slippers and a sweater. What a gorgeous day. A roast in the oven for enchilada meat, making grapeleaves tomorrow, veggies from the market... Feels so great to eat again!

Now if I just had the energy to make the things, get the stuff to Rosie's freezer, clean out the fridge, etc... That's one of the absolutely toughest things about all the pain here. No energy physically, but mentally thinking about the things I want to do. Seems that if I do too much physically the thumping starts in my cheek and sets off the headache chain reaction.

I know it's only been a couple of weeks after being so debilitated for months and I will have to build up my strength again; I'm just not a very patient person.

What is it that will get me to change and have an actual life?

First of all finding out about my income; being in limbo about that is so frustrating. Isolation is another one, but being distracted by my status and pain has put me in that position for months now, and literally for years.

That's something that can only change over time, and has to change slowly by making my home a place I would enjoy having someone over, not panic. It would be nice to have people come over and cook for them.

Mainly thinking about what I can do instead of what I can't do is a key.