Albee, sorry to hear you are going through a tough time, you are not alone, I feel the same way. I found a new "Footprints Dream" that makes me feel good when I read it, it's kind of cute and funny at the same time.
The New Footprints
Now imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking along the beach together.
For much of the way the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying in the pace. But your prints are in a disorganized stream of zig zags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns. For much of the way it seems to go like this. But gradually, your footprints come in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends.
This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens; your footprints that once etched the sand next to the Master's are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His large footprints is the smaller "sandprint," safely enclosed. You and Jesus are becoming one; this goes on for many miles.
But gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the larger footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually it disappears altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one; again this goes on for a long time.
But then something awful happens. The second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse than before. Zig zags all over the place. Stop...start. Deep gashes in the sand. A veritable mess of prints. You're amazed and shocked. But this is the end of your dream.
Now you speak: "Lord, I understand the first scene with the zig zags, fits, starts, and so on. I was a new Christian, just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."
"That is correct," replied the Lord.
"Then, when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps. I followed You very closely."
"Very good. You have understood everything so far."
"Then the smaller footprints grew and eventually filled in with Yours. I suppose that I was actually growing so much that I was becoming more like You in every way."
"Precisely."
"But this is my question, Lord. Was there a regression of something? The footprints went back to two, and this time it was worse than the first."
The Lord smiles, then laughs. "You didn't know?" He says, "That was when we danced."
FOR HE WILL TURN YOUR MOURNING INTO DANCING!
