Have you ever thought living with TN is like an Iceberg? In fact, most people with chronic pain or any type of disease, cancer or any difficulty in life, are living like an Iceberg. Our life is only shown about 10% to other people. The other 90% is beneath the surface, hiding, like an iceberg. My pastor has been preaching on emotionally unhealthy spirituality, and this is such a strong analogy for me I just can't get the iceberg out of my mind.
People around us only see 10% of our lives on the outside....but there is so much more inside. For me that includes depression, anxiety, sadness, fear that my TN pain will come back tomorrow, or tonight... and so much more. My prayer for anyone reading this is to share your iceberg with others, and try to have someone to lean on, that understands everything. A friend, your parent, sibling, other family member, pastor, elder, doctor, psychiatrist, counselor...anyone. Right now I'm trying to share with all of these people. My church congregation prays for me on a weekly basis. I have a brother or sister from my church ask me daily how I am doing. It is so comforting to know that despite not having pain right now, I still have their love, support and most importantly their prayers. There is so much going on deep inside us that sometimes WE don't even know everything that is happening until it smacks us in the face. For me that was after I left Mayo Clinic being rejected by some of the top doctors in the world, I had no idea I had so much anxiety & depression I was dealing with, until that very event triggered my days upon days of crying and sadness. I'm working on the right track to get those feelings under control. (Thank Goodness for prayers & medication.) I still have days of sadness, and tears. I cried in church last Sunday. Hoping no one saw me crying, I had a friend send me a message this week that said she had turned around in church for a second and saw me crying and had been praying all week for me. Its things like these that keep me moving forward. I don't know what I'd do without my church family.
Currently, I'm feeling only occasional TN "twinges" and "small jolts". I'm on Oxcarbazepine 900 mg in the AM and 600 mg in the PM. For the anxiety, it's fluoxetine & clonazepam. Along with lots of vitamins & minerals, which I'm hoping are keeping my body strong & healthy. Most days I have no desire to have any sort of exercise, although I'm overweight and tired all the time. Monday, weather permitting, I am going to see a new doctor who can help me sort thru my pain & emotions & hopefully make sure I'm using all the right medications, so I can have a fully healthy life, mind, body & spirit, despite my TN diagnosis.
TN is a disease that can crush people. It is a disease that ruins families, ruins relationships, ruins the spirit for living. My prayer for you if you are reading this and are in your worst pain with TN, or even occasional pain with TN or any other chronic pain/disease, I'm praying for you, God Loves You. He holds every tear you cry in His Hands! Remember to turn your face towards Jesus, for HE is the only way. Cast your burdens upon the Lord for He will sustain you. People will love you & pray for you, even when they only see the 10% of your iceberg, and don't know the remaining 90% of what is really happening in your life.
Blessings & Peace-
Until Next Time-
Robbie <3