Yesterday was better then it's been in awhile.After reading Kc dancer's repost on grief, Austin and I had a very good conversation. He was able to get somethings off his chest that had been bothering him.I was also able to help him understand some of the things that are upsetting me so bad.He did a lot of reading and other research while I snuggled with my stinky 15yr.old grandson (lol) I feel I am letting him down so bad! He has been with me most of his life so he doesn't know me without tn pain or the side effects of all the drugs.I struggle to do right by him because of the pain and depression. I feel pretty useless to everyone. I have 3 other grand -daughters one 11,7,and Austin's sister who is10.They all live 5mins. away.Nay who's 10 is very persistent. It's a good thing so she pretty much comes when she wants too.It makes me feel delighted that she still wants to come.I know my thoughts are all over the place but I am sure so many of you understand.Last night, after reading for awhile and being silly, Austin and I decided to go to the neighbors, right behind us. We laughed all the way there (just across my little back yard) he had to tell the neighbor, which brought more laughter and the same thing coming back home.It was very cold and windy so I had my two coats on, one on right and the other on backwards, so my hoodies were covering my face and whole head.I could see nothing!! I had to trust Austin, which is a little scary, he doesn't always pay attention where he's going (lol) I think that's what makes it so funny, he only let me fall over one garabage bag.(lol) Naturally it was my fault.(ha! ha!) We do have some good times but the last 10months seems like more bad times then good and Austin agrees.He thinks my depression is worse then all the drs.,etc.seem to think.I am working at getting going all kinds of alternative therapy, I have started some and waiting for apps. for others.So I am not just saying I want diludid and that's it.It does help the terrible pain but I so far can not find a pain Dr. in Mi.and I do have drs. and other professionals helping me.We have just about run out of options.Well lets see if I can do some dishes, landuary, anything that will distract my mind for at least a little while.Thanks to those that took the time to listen to me whine! Wishing all the best day possible!!!!
Huge (((((( hugs ))))), one day at a time…that’s all we can do, thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts…hope today is a good one!
Mimi xx
It sounds like you are very much loved by your grandchildren. You are lucky in that. On alternative therapies I have found Reiki and meditation very helpful. wishing you a painfree time and sending you healing thoughts. x
Dawn, It does sound like your grandchildren love you verry much. YOU sound very happy here. I know you are struggling right now... I went thru a down period very recently. And when you get in that downward spiral it is VERY hard to get out of it. I used to take Effexor for depression and it ALSO helped with my TN2 pain. There are all kinds of meds that are out there MY doc's were Both surprised when That happened. I am on Amitriptyline now and that burning mouth pain is still controlled. Also take Neurontin for Ear pain. Also take Topamax for migraine prevention. It is real important to get to feeling better and get that pain under control. It Will feed on itself. I want for a Better life for you. I know it's not easy. But think about how much your family loves you and NEEDS you in their lives. !!!!
Take care and let us know how you are doing.
Min