Since the onset of my diagnosis, I have continually asked: What's next? My answer to the question remains the same, It all depends on the lens I choose to see it through, joy or pain. Despite the return of the pain, I still see it through a lens of joy. My family, friends and coworkers, question the lens in which I am choosing to evaluate my current situation. My only reply: It can only be joy and I'll tell you why.
From the moment I found this site, through my surgery and subsequent recovery , I knew that for the rest of my life I would be living with TN. It is a fact of life. Everyday, that I lived without pain, I expressed gratitude. Now that pain has returned, there are a few things I know for sure and I am still very grateful for what living with TN teaches me..
In the year, that I lived pain free, I embraced the Taoist philosophy, that proposes the belief, that all of our days aren't in yet, In short the premise is this, we are quick to place judgement on our life experiences. Often what starts out looking like a good thing, turns in to something really bad. And what starts out as really bad thing turns into something good... We never know the outcome until the moment of its arrival. Life is filled and operated by intention. We are born with purpose.
To all the skeptics reading this post, I can surely say, what started out as bad thing (TN) transformed into a good thing. Throughout the course of my TN history,I received the gift of personal empowerment. I know that I can be completely autonomous. I am the captain of my own ship. Even when the outcome is not what I expect I can make a decision and I can be fully accountable for the course of what happens next.
Through my recovery, I was reintroduced to my better self. I know that am a loving, compassionate, caring and very driven woman.With a clear head, I discovered my passion and purpose. I am a natural born advocate and healer. Whether I am working to educate individuals about TN, domestic violence or sexual assault, I am passionate and committed. Once free, of what I call the "Tegretol Typhoon", my creative energies returned. I have been writing and creating something new everyday My marriage, and my relationship with my son and others I love, has improved 10- fold and continues to improve by leaps and bounds every day...Perhaps this a direct testament to the Shakespearean quote; " to thine own self be true."
Through the support of this group, the doctors, the nurses, family and friends, I know that I do not have to go through this alone. I am learning to trust and build trusting relationships. I've also learned to cut loose of those who don't understand or those who would cause me harm. These are joyful moments in MY life.
Most importantly, despite the return of the pain, I am not afraid. I am not crazy. I know that I have options. I know that what ever comes next, I will be okay. I may not be the same, but I will be okay. This is change and isn't life all about change? There are ways to navigate the waters of TN. I am grateful. Just in case you are wondering about my decision to have MVD surgery. Yes! Yes! Yes! I would do it all again for I know that everything "ain't for everyone, but indeed there is something for everyone.
Peace, joy and tenderness abounds!
Blessings and abundant love sent to you and yours.
Very tenderly yours,
Aleshia