Last week I contacted the neurosurgeon that performed my MVD. For approximately three weeks, I experienced increasingly more flashes of electric like pain across my scalp. I attributed the pain to a natural consequence of healing a very irritated nerve and the stress of working very long hours in a highly volatile environment. Despite my calm exterior I couldn’t help ask myself, “Is this really happening?
Then last Sunday while I was out completing errands, the wind hit my face and I grimaced and winced, but I kept on going about my business. However, each time the wind hit my face the pain grew in intensity. When I returned home from my outing, I noticed a trigger spot on my jaw. In the succeeding days, when I became tired I noticed that my speech became slurred. I also noted that several people asked me “Why are you looking at me like that?” My sleep pattern changed. As in the past I couldn’t fall asleep to save my life. Nonetheless, the pain I experienced differed from the pain that I knew before surgery. Regardless of how different it seemed, I knew it related to the TN. Fortunately, the pain is not as debilitating as the pain I lived with pre-MVD, but for the moment it is happening.
I have to admit I am very perplexed. Afterall, immediately after the MVD, for weeks, I experienced no pain. Additionally, over the course of my recovery, with the exception of some very minor twinges of pain, my recovery was joyfully very insignificant. When I spoke with the doctor, even he was a bit surprised about the sudden onset of the pain I reported. After talking for a bit, he asked me what meds I still had on hand. Reluctantly, I shared I had some leftover Tegretol XR. He advised me to take the Tegretol and notify him of him of its impact the following week.
Wednesday will mark the week. Here’s what I know. TheTegretol XR is working. The pain is dying down. I get drowsy from the medication. When I get up in the morning I feel like I have a hangover and I stumble around. I am not in a panic. I am still grateful and I am pleased that I had the MVD surgery. Despite this detour, I consider the surgery successful and one of the best decisions I made in dealing with my life with TN.
Whether my circumstance is temporary is yet to be seen. Still it is another chapter in my life with TN, I am not scared, nor am I disappointed or disillusioned. I know what it feels like to live with excruciating pain. I know what it feels like to live pain free. I also know what see. I am a woman with a life to live and I love the life I live .To continue on my journey to the life I want, I MUST put myself first. I MUST listen to my body. I MUST rest!
Most importantly, yesterday as I watched “Scent of Woman”, I was reminded that there is nothing worse than an amputated spirit because as the character Col. Frank Slade stated,there is no prosthetic for that. Last time living with active TN, almost crushed my spirit. It won’t happen this time around because I know what I see. The lens is broader and the view is much clearer.Thank you all for your support and compassion. Not only does your presence break the cycle of isolation created by chronic pain but it inflates my spirit with the spiritual breath that keeps hope floating from one life to the next!
With sincerest gratitude and love,
Peace and tender pleasures abound,
Aleshia
