Well folks, hello, and my apologies for my extended absence. God, I dont even know where to start over the last few months, it has been......... well; rough. I dont even know when to start, I've had I dont know how many trips from one end of the country to the other, one infection and trauma after another and now I'm pretty well exhausted and frazzled and about at the end of my tether.

Lemme see, last july, had a family reunion at home with a bunch of birthdays, went up ( 13 hour trip each way near enough) came back down the road, was here a few days then had to go back up cause my dad had a gastric bleed that nearly killed him, I came back, came down had an exceptionally stressful wedding to attend, ended up getting sick after it after a reaction to hair dye that made me look like a swamp creature, and my skin still isnt right, but I got over that, then dad had a mini stroke and I took another trip home, then back, then my work screwed up my shifts so I took another trip before I wouldnt be able to do it again without taking holidays, ( work changed my shifts to add another 2 days er week, which destroyed my travel options my coping with the meds, my coping with temp changes etc etc, I raised a grievance but it appears to have been totally ignored, because unless you have children it doesnt matter what goes on in your life they wont make any allowances for anything else) then there was christmas, the new shifts, the cold that became a chest infection, the tegretol that stopped me eating, that made me mental,the not eating lead to not recovering- which had been ongoing all year really so the 8 courses of antibiotics in the last year have been fun due to my screwy kidneys also as a result of the tegs I think,)

Anyway so I came off it cold turkey, then my mum again at the other end of the country had come down with what we thought was a bug, which had left her bed bound, ( my mums never been bed bound a day in my life) so, given how flat she was and how disabled my dad is, and that the doctor had already wanted to sign me off with anxiety I decided to go home for a few days and help out to give mum a chance to recover, to recharge my own batteries etc - and I took it as holiday, then while I was there it turned out that it wasnt' a bug at all, mum ended up in emergency surgery, had to have a huge portion of her bowel removed and a colostomy. So trip got extended as family leave, I came back down the road, worked for a couple of days then the doc signed me off with anxiety and I went back up the road to help since mum had got out of hospital, and they needed all the help they could get, while up the road, we ended up in hospital with my dad ( who had become by far the bigger worry due to his extensive list of problems) but we thought he was having another mini stroke, cause of probs with his eyes, well they ruled that out, and after a weekend of worry we saw the optician who has said that he;s got a partial palsy in his 6th c nerve. This is as a result of the diabetes, maybe also affected by the fact he has crushed vertibrae in his neck. On top of all this we're waiting on cardiac results for him cause of events he's having in the night, and also biopsy results for both of them ( although they're not overly concerned that there was anything sinister on either of them) but one of them has diverticulitis and one has diverticulosis? I think thats what dad said, one of them has bumps on the bowel going out the way and the other has them going in the way. Or ssomething like that but both of them are awaiting results to rule out anything " sinister"

I am now back on the mainland again, signed off work till today, and have the doc again this afternoon . will see how that all goes, but I dont think I'm ready to go back to work, I'm at the wrong end of the country, my parents are both really unwell and my whole network of support - me to support them and them me, is a million miles away, I am off the tegretol, and having good days and bad off that but quite frankly I havent had a days down time in what seems a lifetime. month after month week after week day after day there has been one stress or antoher that had just piled one thing on top of another, so here I am, I havent' forgotten you all, but I really amnt on fighting form so my apologies for not checking in more. I hope you;re all doing well, and I will try and check in some more. much love to all of you.

Gracie x x x