I cannot see you, but I know you
I can feel you
I can predict you
I ignore you.
You belong to me now
I don't want you
but I see the world differently now
you have changed me
I feel you on my face clinging
throbbing pulsing liquid
burning crushing heat
icy cold stab
electric shock
I feel you creeping
down my neck behind my head
a tightness
like a broken, retied rubber band
I feel a pressure in my head
I want you to go now
but I know you give me wisdom
In my eyes and in my heart
Isolation and frustration
trying to explain
wanting not to have to
hating what it does to others around me
I wonder if you will always be with me
I wonder if this cross is one I should embrace
I know the highs of false security
the lows as the pain hits once again
There is only one who can get inside my face
Who feels every tremor every stab
I believe in him. I feel empowered
whatever happens next
I am not alone.