When the dream hits reality head on

A comment in another blog got me thinking about something. The person said that TN pain was not controllable I thought long, and hard about this, and I then wondered what happens when the dream of a pain free life hits the reality of still having pain.

When I decided to go a head with what was to be my first MVD, I just wanted to be easily pain controlled without having to take a lot of medications to achieve the goal. I did good for 2 years, and then hit relapse number two. Then had a RfR procedure. Did good for 8 months, then hit relapse number 3. I am four months out from a repeat MVD, and a Internal Neurolysis. It is still far from perfect, but the pain is not at what it was. Did I get the dream of being totally pain free? No. Reality is due to the complexity of TN pain, I thought expecting to be pain free was unrealistic, and would set me up for heartache if I took that mindset. Did I get my dream of being easily pain managed with out have to take a lot of medications to do it? Yes, and I am happy. Every surgery, over five years has inched me toward my dream. I am now done with all surgery, as I do not want to risk complications like AD. In 18 1/2 years of having TN, I have come to learn my expectations can really set me up for success or failure where the TN is concerned.