What more can I do?

Today, I saw myself in the mirror for the first time in over 7 years. I stopped looking 3 years on; this coming February marks 10 years with TN. I get the pain in my right eye, and it makes me look ugly… I should say, I looked in mirrors still of course in the actual sense- I saw hair, eyes, nose, mouth, skin, I saw the good parts and the bad parts of myself physically. But today, I saw past my actual body to who I am as a person. I saw ME. It made me a little afraid at first. I look so sickly, I never realized how truly bad that looks. I’m too thin, and pale, and there are deep bags under my eyes, and to add to that, the lovely tic that I’ve developed over time. I could seriously use a makeover, or at least a coat of foundation, but I dare not touch my face of course. So I don’t really get a choice in the matter of makeup and beauty supplies. I don’t even wear perfume hardly, because my attacks are triggered easily by smells.

All of that matters only a little, I know. But it’s got to be said, this sucks. However- for me, at least, I can look at myself and see the fire burning in my eyes still. That’s what I saw today, after the initial shock of seeing myself wore off. I saw the passion that I used to have, waiting inside me. And because of my struggle, and my life with this illness has caused me such anger, I’d like to use that anger to drive my passions… what do I want the most? To raise awareness of tn, and to hopefully find a real cure. Because, like I said before- this sucks. It’s ruining lives. And I’m tired of feeling alone…

You are not alone. We are all here for you.

Remember beauty is what is within a person.

If you can think of some positive things to do to raise awareness on TN then go for it. Just remember not to over do things.

Sending you healing wishes.


Beautiful explanation from a beautiful heart and person, I am sure of. I know that there is hope, don't give in to this! After 6 years of suffering like you, I am now pain free following very successful mvd surgery. I now have my life back. I would be glad to share with you if you want. I don't want to give false hope to anyone but I do know that there are options besides living with this horrendous condition.

Blessing and Prayers!

Jay in North Idaho