Weight Gain and TN

1

You would think and it was so that when I first had TN, I was very thin. A size 4 was almost falling off of me. Then, I had the surgery and I slowly started to gain weight. At first it was the medications, then my psychiatrist noticed this and changed my meds. He took me off of Cymbalta and back on Celexa. He changed a couple more. Even talked with my pain doctor about something that was in my pump. They went from klonpin to Balcofen of Bubificane (sp).. then I found a food item that I could eat without too much pain and I began to eat that all day long. Next thing you know, a few years goes by and I am 50 lbs. overweight. Of course, I wasn't in the dark, I had to go purchase clothes that would fit me and so I went from medium to large. Now, my weight is a big concern. I finally went to have a physical and meet a new family doctor. I really like her, but I had not had a women wellness exam in a while. We found some suspicious spots on my breast and now I need a biopsy and to go back in 3 months for a biopsyl

I feel lonely since my husband travels. I feel ugly when I was always such a beautiful woman. I will walk again on my treadmill today at level 3 incline for 10-20 minutes. Usually 15-30. I stay on as long as I can, usually watching something distracting on television.

So, I needed to talk and here it is... Am I ok?

I don't feel OK. Sometimes I wish'd I had taken my life. The painpump has been extremely helpul in terms of letting me function, but now the weight gain has a hold on my mind and I feel like I am letting it destroy who I am

Writing this is helping me to get past this humiliation that I feel. It will take a while to get over it. It took a while to get this way and it could take a while to take it off. I need to give myself credit for working out

Next,

Julianne

I can't let one thing ruin who I really am.

2

Julianne-
You are not alone. In so many ways. It just really sucks that we have TN, but we also have to deal with every other “normal” stressor in life. Let me start by saying that I was 13 when I was diagnosed, I am now almost 21. I am/was a dancer. I had a dancers body. Then I got TN.
My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years. I mainly stayed on the normal weight side. I always tried to workout even through the pain. Well, I broke my foot in the beginning of November, 2009 and then the pain got worse at the end of the month and has not gone away. It got to the point where I couldn’t run or do many other exercises like crunches. I remember coming home and just sitting on the couch crying with my mom because I couldn’t run. I was losing the ally that I loved to be. The pain is taking over my life and I hate it. I am angry. I get depressed. I don’t want to keep going at times. I hate that I have “let my body go” and change into this. I don’t like the way I look and it makes me even more angry because of why I am the way I am. I have had 7 surguries to try and relieve the pain. All of them helping just a little.I want to have a family, I want to finish college, I want to be out of pain and there is nothing I can do about that. There is no amount of wishing or praying that can magically give me a day of NO pain. And it just sucks.
you are not alone. you have to stay strong, show people how wonderful you can be. make small goals for yourself everyday. whether they are to be a little healthier or stay strong when the pain is tearing you apart. as stupid as it sounds, try and distract yourself with silly things! and most importantly…know we are all here for you!

3

Very well said Ally! You are a strong young lady and a real inspiration! Thank you…

Ally Castellano said:

Julianne-
You are not alone. In so many ways. It just really sucks that we have TN, but we also have to deal with every other “normal” stressor in life. Let me start by saying that I was 13 when I was diagnosed, I am now almost 21. I am/was a dancer. I had a dancers body. Then I got TN.
My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years. I mainly stayed on the normal weight side. I always tried to workout even through the pain. Well, I broke my foot in the beginning of November, 2009 and then the pain got worse at the end of the month and has not gone away. It got to the point where I couldn’t run or do many other exercises like crunches. I remember coming home and just sitting on the couch crying with my mom because I couldn’t run. I was losing the ally that I loved to be. The pain is taking over my life and I hate it. I am angry. I get depressed. I don’t want to keep going at times. I hate that I have “let my body go” and change into this. I don’t like the way I look and it makes me even more angry because of why I am the way I am. I have had 7 surguries to try and relieve the pain. All of them helping just a little.I want to have a family, I want to finish college, I want to be out of pain and there is nothing I can do about that. There is no amount of wishing or praying that can magically give me a day of NO pain. And it just sucks.
you are not alone. you have to stay strong, show people how wonderful you can be. make small goals for yourself everyday. whether they are to be a little healthier or stay strong when the pain is tearing you apart. as stupid as it sounds, try and distract yourself with silly things! and most importantly…know we are all here for you!

4

I just want others to not suffer alone. We can not physically be there for each other, but emotional support can be just as helpful!! Have a good day everyone.

Sharon Bryant said:

Very well said Ally! You are a strong young lady and a real inspiration! Thank you…


Ally Castellano said:
Julianne-
You are not alone. In so many ways. It just really sucks that we have TN, but we also have to deal with every other “normal” stressor in life. Let me start by saying that I was 13 when I was diagnosed, I am now almost 21. I am/was a dancer. I had a dancers body. Then I got TN.
My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years. I mainly stayed on the normal weight side. I always tried to workout even through the pain. Well, I broke my foot in the beginning of November, 2009 and then the pain got worse at the end of the month and has not gone away. It got to the point where I couldn’t run or do many other exercises like crunches. I remember coming home and just sitting on the couch crying with my mom because I couldn’t run. I was losing the ally that I loved to be. The pain is taking over my life and I hate it. I am angry. I get depressed. I don’t want to keep going at times. I hate that I have “let my body go” and change into this. I don’t like the way I look and it makes me even more angry because of why I am the way I am. I have had 7 surguries to try and relieve the pain. All of them helping just a little.I want to have a family, I want to finish college, I want to be out of pain and there is nothing I can do about that. There is no amount of wishing or praying that can magically give me a day of NO pain. And it just sucks.
you are not alone. you have to stay strong, show people how wonderful you can be. make small goals for yourself everyday. whether they are to be a little healthier or stay strong when the pain is tearing you apart. as stupid as it sounds, try and distract yourself with silly things! and most importantly…know we are all here for you!

5

Wow, I can’t believe it has taken me so long to reply. Thanks so much Ally. You are a real inspiration to me. When I first had TN Symptoms, after a root canal, I was told by numerous Neurosurgeons that I was not old enough. Now, reading and being on LWTN, I know that it can and does happen to people of every age. I’ve read in at least one case even an infant can be born with it.

Ally, I want to shoot that same support you are giving me back to you. You are a very talented individual. If I can be of any help to you I want to be there. How we help each other I think really helps us handle our own pain and the side effects that go with that.

Girl, I love you. You just touched my soul. I’m 51 and I’ve had so much life experiences that I feel lucky I was able to travel while I was young, most people don’t get to do that kind of traveling until they retire and then they aren’t quite fit to do it. I did 5 dives a day often in some heavy currents and traveled half way around the world to Papua New Guinea to do this on numerous ocassions. I don’t know who I’d be right now if I had not had that experience. I didn’t get the chance to have children. My husband didn’t want them. Now, I feel like if I’d had children maybe this would not have happened to me. The mind does strange things. I know that that is really very unrealistic.

Ally, if we could talk or email, I’d love it. You can visit my site www.julz.com; it’s old and I can’t really work on it. Unfortunately I let someone in Spain have the password and I can’t even get in to make any changes. So he makes ad revenue, but wtf, I don’t really care. Right now, it’s just about my every day. Today so far has been a good day and you are very much a part of my today! Thank you so much because you are not alone either. I’d love it if you would keep me up to date on how you are doing. You are special! Indeed too young to be having TN; but TN apparently doesn’t descriminate.

Big Hugs,
Julz
www.julz.com

Ally Castellano said:

Julianne-
You are not alone. In so many ways. It just really sucks that we have TN, but we also have to deal with every other “normal” stressor in life. Let me start by saying that I was 13 when I was diagnosed, I am now almost 21. I am/was a dancer. I had a dancers body. Then I got TN.
My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years. I mainly stayed on the normal weight side. I always tried to workout even through the pain. Well, I broke my foot in the beginning of November, 2009 and then the pain got worse at the end of the month and has not gone away. It got to the point where I couldn’t run or do many other exercises like crunches. I remember coming home and just sitting on the couch crying with my mom because I couldn’t run. I was losing the ally that I loved to be. The pain is taking over my life and I hate it. I am angry. I get depressed. I don’t want to keep going at times. I hate that I have “let my body go” and change into this. I don’t like the way I look and it makes me even more angry because of why I am the way I am. I have had 7 surguries to try and relieve the pain. All of them helping just a little.I want to have a family, I want to finish college, I want to be out of pain and there is nothing I can do about that. There is no amount of wishing or praying that can magically give me a day of NO pain. And it just sucks.
you are not alone. you have to stay strong, show people how wonderful you can be. make small goals for yourself everyday. whether they are to be a little healthier or stay strong when the pain is tearing you apart. as stupid as it sounds, try and distract yourself with silly things! and most importantly…know we are all here for you!

6

Julianne,

I know I am late responding but I am 33 with a 2 year old. I was diagnosed the year after she was born.
One day she touched my face and it hurt so much but I couldn’t let her see I was in pain from her touch. We have those what ifs.

You are a strong person!

Hugs,
Karri

uwfotogal said:

Wow, I can’t believe it has taken me so long to reply. Thanks so much Ally. You are a real inspiration to me. When I first had TN Symptoms, after a root canal, I was told by numerous Neurosurgeons that I was not old enough. Now, reading and being on LWTN, I know that it can and does happen to people of every age. I’ve read in at least one case even an infant can be born with it.


Ally, I want to shoot that same support you are giving me back to you. You are a very talented individual. If I can be of any help to you I want to be there. How we help each other I think really helps us handle our own pain and the side effects that go with that.



Girl, I love you. You just touched my soul. I’m 51 and I’ve had so much life experiences that I feel lucky I was able to travel while I was young, most people don’t get to do that kind of traveling until they retire and then they aren’t quite fit to do it. I did 5 dives a day often in some heavy currents and traveled half way around the world to Papua New Guinea to do this on numerous ocassions. I don’t know who I’d be right now if I had not had that experience. I didn’t get the chance to have children. My husband didn’t want them. Now, I feel like if I’d had children maybe this would not have happened to me. The mind does strange things. I know that that is really very unrealistic.



Ally, if we could talk or email, I’d love it. You can visit my site www.julz.com; it’s old and I can’t really work on it. Unfortunately I let someone in Spain have the password and I can’t even get in to make any changes. So he makes ad revenue, but wtf, I don’t really care. Right now, it’s just about my every day. Today so far has been a good day and you are very much a part of my today! Thank you so much because you are not alone either. I’d love it if you would keep me up to date on how you are doing. You are special! Indeed too young to be having TN; but TN apparently doesn’t descriminate.



Big Hugs,

Julz

www.julz.com





Ally Castellano said:
Julianne-
You are not alone. In so many ways. It just really sucks that we have TN, but we also have to deal with every other “normal” stressor in life. Let me start by saying that I was 13 when I was diagnosed, I am now almost 21. I am/was a dancer. I had a dancers body. Then I got TN.
My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years. I mainly stayed on the normal weight side. I always tried to workout even through the pain. Well, I broke my foot in the beginning of November, 2009 and then the pain got worse at the end of the month and has not gone away. It got to the point where I couldn’t run or do many other exercises like crunches. I remember coming home and just sitting on the couch crying with my mom because I couldn’t run. I was losing the ally that I loved to be. The pain is taking over my life and I hate it. I am angry. I get depressed. I don’t want to keep going at times. I hate that I have “let my body go” and change into this. I don’t like the way I look and it makes me even more angry because of why I am the way I am. I have had 7 surguries to try and relieve the pain. All of them helping just a little.I want to have a family, I want to finish college, I want to be out of pain and there is nothing I can do about that. There is no amount of wishing or praying that can magically give me a day of NO pain. And it just sucks.
you are not alone. you have to stay strong, show people how wonderful you can be. make small goals for yourself everyday. whether they are to be a little healthier or stay strong when the pain is tearing you apart. as stupid as it sounds, try and distract yourself with silly things! and most importantly…know we are all here for you!