So all the cold wind got to me really bad today. I've been able to stay on top of it until today. I messed around with my meds I had on hand since I live too far to make it to ER for any relief quickly. I called my dr. he didn't call back and I have some relief so I'm good. Sad, very sad, that I had experienced months where everything has been controlled by minimum meds and now it seems not to. I want to cry but that makes it worse. Trying to explain to my kids is like talking to a wall. My dh is about the same. We are suppose to be leaving on Thursday morning and yet just trying to do the things that need to happen before we go is not happening. I am very very discouraged. Any words of encouragement are appreciated. blessings~~
We all know what your are going through and you are not alone. I know exactly what you mean about the crying.
Just don't lose hope. Better days are ahead!
It hurts to cry, to throw up , it hurts to eat soup and I'm so scared to brush my teeth, and yes ! my kids do not understand what I am going thru ... my younger ones at least ... so its madding .. but no you are not alone, we all know what you are going thru and understand your pain,
Try wrapping a scarf up around your face.. to help block the wind, I love this site it has helped me so much, with little ideas on how to help battle the pain , not using meds, I use the hand warming heat pads and then the idea of the pain patches you can buy in the store for deep penetrating heat, those help so much I cut a small patch up and put it behind my ear.... and wow ,
God bless and I wish you a pain free day
is there anyone around you besides kids and husband that sees you through this?
No unfortunately there is no one else. I live in a pretty isolated area where the nearest towns are 30 minutes away. It feels like this journey is harder than I can handle at times. Inside I feel like a failure. The two jobs I dreamed of most, being a wife and mom and i am failing at both. Knowing that my children deserve better than what I can give them hurts so much. I so wish I had found this group sooner, but I am thankful now to see that I am not alone. Thank yo for the encouragement. blessings~~
Hi shepherdgirl,
I was up on the Russian River over the weekend. Sunny, 80 degree weather. minimal discomfort..woke up this morning in a cold San Francisco drizzle with my face vibrating like a violin solo. The temperature in Merced will soon melt sidewalks. Does the summer heat help settle down pain? .Your feelings of discouragement and failure are normal..WE ALL HAVE BOUTS with these feelings . NOW you've found the group. Keep sharing your feelings, it helps all of us and yes, you're not alone.
You are not a failure at being a mom or wife. Your kids learn from this experience and become stronger, compassionate people. Your kids and husband know who you are and that you are doing the best that you can. Right now is not a good time but know that there will be good times ahead. Thinking of you -- hugs!
shepherdgirl said:
No unfortunately there is no one else. I live in a pretty isolated area where the nearest towns are 30 minutes away. It feels like this journey is harder than I can handle at times. Inside I feel like a failure. The two jobs I dreamed of most, being a wife and mom and i am failing at both. Knowing that my children deserve better than what I can give them hurts so much. I so wish I had found this group sooner, but I am thankful now to see that I am not alone. Thank yo for the encouragement. blessings~~
I know how hard it can be and how you feel as a mother and a wife. I have three daughters ages 15, 14 and 10 and even though they are older there are days they just get sick of me being ill. It’s not fair that I can’t get up and take them to the mall or go swimming with them or just hang out and have fun. My husband sometimes doesn’t understand and gets frustrated with having to cook supper or help with the house. So know you are not alone but what keeps me going is the song and scripture that say “when I call on Jesus ALL this are possible”! With God nothing is impossible and by His stripes we are healed! Even though it’s not now that He chooses to heal me I just keep claiming it. I know it is all out of my hands so He has to be carrying me thru. Please don’t let discouragement defeat you. Keep your head up and find information that you can read to your family of how it our pain feels. I read the post called “Hells plague” to my family and it really helped them understand. Keep your head up. I’m sorry you feel so isolated too. Just know you have a “family” and support group here.
I will be praying for you! This is the hardest journey in life one can be on. But there will be better days ahead.
God bless and may God take your pain away soon!
Nikki
Oh Bill, you truly make me miss "home". I am from Santa Rosa so I know the Russian River well and it's been years since I've been down it! Many fun memories, even if some of them include, uuuummmm, leaving school a bit earlier than my mom knew ;-) You are correct, the temps down here will soon be tough. While the heat is good for my tn it is really hard on my thyroid so it's a double jeopardy. Between the two the thyroid is the lesser of the two evils for sure. Thanks Collette. My one daughter is home from college and I had such great plans that are not materializing. After homeschooling for 201yrs. my younger children are in private school due to my tn so I have had plans with them too. It is so tough because I have always been so independent and now things like taking off with them to go camping since my dh can't always leave the ranch or heading over to the ocean, which I miss so much, are things I don't even try to do without another driver/adult. Thanks for helping me remember that there are good days. Nikki, that's funny you quoted that song cause it was going around in my head this morning. I sent my husband that post, but he doesn't want to talk about it. He is doing good just to make it through each day doing double duty of mom & dad. It is so hard for me I think because we had our life pretty well set into what worked for our family. Living in the country where my dh grew up, me able to help if he got in a pinch, homeschooling our children, family vacations that worked for us, nothing fancy. Then this happened, and the town we live in turned it's back on me when the should have stood up. I know that only God sees the end result, because I can't see any of it that's for sure. Today I am having residual effects from upping my meds yesterday. I pray often that God would just allow me to go home and allow my family to have the mom and wife they deserve, and me out of this hell I live in. I question why he took my nephew almost 12 years ago at age 14 of leukemia, yet I am here living a life I often don't want. Where is the justice in that? I know that God's plans are not my plans, His ways are not my ways, but somewhere here I need to see something positive in all of this, and I don't. So for today, I will just write my feelings here, fold laundry on my bed, surf the web, maybe watch "the Vow" that came in the mail, cause I walk like a drunk, and my head is spinning. Oh Lord, just let me make it through today. thanks all for the encouragement. blessings and hugs~~