I write in red when I am angry... 2 days ago I was in a car accident and was T-Boned by some skanky cow that thought she was all that and some more with a ciggy hanging out of her prune-faced mouth... she didnt even get out of the car to inspect damage... She did however try and hit me and i had to quickly duck and move my head... Guess what...NON STOP TERRIBLE PAINS TO THE LHS OF FACE... I always had the burning sensations and then the occassional attacks of stabbing pains like electrical shock waves... today I had those electrical shockwaves ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FACE... I mean how much medication can we take before we have to look outside the box and see... I have had to turn to opiates and Valium. I am a martyr... I will cry and try and meditate till I pass out from the pain... Today my mother bursted into tears... She isnt the kind of woman that cries often... She is a retired nurse and she just couldnt take watching my pain anymore... I have taken enough opiates to kill a horse and I am sitting here still with tears rolling down my face...
Centrelink (Social Security to all you good citizens of USA) is saying that i am viable to work 8 hours a week and are playing around with my head so I give up and just get a job... I refuse to play their game and I WILL NOT STOP till they approve my disability... its funny my pharmacist told me today if my GP wrote on my file I had Epilepsy I would be saving myself almost $200 a month in medication costs... What a joke... TN is becoming just as common as Epilepsy and yet they get their meds for $5.60 on special Government Authority Scripts. What is the world coming to seriously???
I get so frustrated with this pain... Today when it came on I was driving, I pulled over and cried and got so angry I screamed so loud that I scared some children walking past on the footpath... I am seeing Mr Danks on Monday luckily but I tell you what... now I know why they nickname TN the suicide disease... I know this year hasnt been my year. Broken engagements, having $$ stolen from my accounts, my ex being on the holiday I PLANNED AND PAID FOR... I quit my job as he said he wanted to take care of me, loosing not ONE but TWO cats this year to being used as speed humps by careless drivers... a car accident the other day... seriously, if I need good news soon... I am not usually negative, its this TN that makes me so negative... it changes my moods, I swing moods from the meds more than a menopausal woman (trust me I live with one right now so I can use that analogy!! I just want to sleep, thats all... day and night - its the only time I am at peace... I dream of no pain and I am floating above everyone... doing the breast stroke in the warm summer breeze and I am smiling and am happy... I thought that the antidepressants they put us on for nerve pain were meant to actually work as ANTI DEPRESSANTS or are we so far gone nothing works for our moods? I have been referred to a psychologist but knowing him he wont know what TN is either and I will have to waste time and be frustrated again explaining from scratch... its just so frustrating... Today I couldnt even do my yoga as putting my head down (downward dog) was setting of such bad pains, I couldnt even meditate today...
OK thats my ear bashing to all for the night... I need more painkillers and a good sleep...
*breathing in and out slowly*
Nite all xxx