Hi, all,
I don't get here too often, but even though it is 2 a.m. Central time, I had to just tell SOMEBODY who would understand. I sure hope my luck hasn't run out. Usually I function relatively pain free, with tramadol nightly controlling the pain very well. But tonight - oh, tonight was awful.
I woke up from an unexpected nap and had to get up and feed the dogs. I don't know what provoked this, but there was sudden, severe lancinating pain like I had never had before. Usually if I open my eyes wide and just wait the pain dials down right away. This time it didn't.
This time the pain was like a twisting knife at the end of a TASER and was the worst I had ever had, and nothing eased it. It just kept on and on and on, and I thought there is no way I can live with this if it does not ease. Finally it diminished and I had to cry from the fear that this might be my life from now on.
I got up, fed the dogs (I had slept right through their regular routine), let them out, and did other things I should have done. I had a very large meal earlier in the day with a friend, so I wasn't very hungry, but I got a slice of bread to eat along with the evening medicines I take.
Then it happened again when I bit down on the soft bread. Of course I couldn't move, it hurt so bad. Again nothing would ease it. Again I had to cry when it finally diminished, which took what seemed to be an eternity.
I can't blow my nose because I can't touch that part of my face. I just have to let the mucus run out until I can catch it with the gentle touch of a lotion-enhanced tissue. I feel so gross, so dirty, so hopeless. What if pain that bad should happen while I am driving? What if that pain should paralyze me when I am in public? Usually I can associate the onset of pain with something I did, like forgetting and rubbing lotion on that side of my face or my head being bounced while I ride the tractor across the pasture. But this time there is no known provocation, it just happened.
I took a tramadol and a dose of Tegretol. The pain hasn't happened again this evening, but it feels like the pain is lurking there, ready to break out at any moment. I am so afraid.
I feel really unworthy complaining about this, because I know some of you go through this all day long every day and get to your wits' end with it, especially when no medicines work for you. It was just so horrible today, though, so horrible.
XOXOXOXOXOXO, Pat from Missouri