Early in my diagnosis I did not know how to be grateful for TN and thought doing so would label me "goofy" to the -enth degree. My younger brother, who has back pain, has had surgeries and has fought his fight on pain since his fall through a roof at age of 17, said he could be grateful for his journey and had accepted it fully. He mentioned that you can accept a harsh reality AND have the hope that one day you will find a cure or a better way of managing it. You can accept it, and retain hope for a better tomorrow. Still I could not wrap my mind around it.
About at the 2 year mark in this journey, one year after the 1st gamma knife, while still experiencing a HUGE amount of pain control w/o meds, I heard Kay Arthur, from Precept Ministries talk about being grateful. She said that science has proven the part of the brain that gratefulness stems from is the SAME part of the brain where we worry and fret. We decide where to set the needle…at worry, …or at gratefulness. The Bible also speaks to this in saying to be, "thankful IN everything" … not necessarily FOR everything. This I can manage. I can be grateful while in this TN stage of my life, and since I've come to accept it, now, just shy of 10 years, I choose to be grateful for this.
Amazingly, I've been seeing how it has helped me in many ways. In self-care. In appreciating and valuing my life more than prior to TN. In appreciating those I love and cherish more. Even an inkling of curiosity as to HOW I will find my freedom from this one day. These positives were NOT mine until acceptance set in deep into my heart and mind.
I could not rush acceptance. It took a good long time to get here. And, as acceptance now accompanies me each day, I feel empowered. By those on this site, my docs and others who speak into my life. If it had taken my 20 years to get to this place, it would have been well worth it.
I am taking this time when the pain is coming back full force (due to the Botox wearing off), to count why I am grateful and choosing to be grateful on purpose, out loud each day. Thank you my TN friends for sharing your struggle with TN on this site. You are inspiring; like a warm wind at my back.
What are you grateful for today?
Sincerely,
LyndaS