Hello all! I havent posted on here for a while, so I thought I would update everyone. My MVD was on August 21 and despite the MRI showing no compression, my doctor found a large vein wrapped around my right trigeminal nerve. I was SO happy when i woke up and heard that! The pain on the right side is so much better! I have only had 6 "attacks," most of which are labeled in my nerve pain diary as very light! Before surgery I had attacks daily.. Well thats the happy news of the past few months of my life! Now for the bad.. :(
Before surgery, i had a few attacks on the left side, but i was always too scared to tell my mom or my doctor. I was scared that if i said something, it would make my pain seem less real to them, as my doctor constantly talks about how im too young to have tn (i turned 18 a couple weeks ago). He also says how it is almost always on one side. I thought that maybe if i didnt say something it just might go away on its on. However, since my surgery, the left sided attacks are much more prominent and painful. I know for a fact its nerve pain.. i can just tell.
So, now i have to go to my doctor on Monday and tell him about the left sided pain. I am terrified. In fact, I am more scared about this doctor appointment than i was about getting brain surgery. I dont want to "wait and see." But i dont want to do anything. I want to be a normal teenager again. Without surgery and without medicine. The tegretol makes me stupid and i hate it. I used to be a straight-a student and now i have trouble spelling simple words and I forget just about everything. Deep down, I think ill end up needing another MVD....I can just sense it... But im so scared. I am going to college next year and there is no way i could deal with this condition at college.
Im just so scared of everything. I cry constantly and im never happy anymore. This recovery has been very tough for me. I was in the hospital for 7 days, ICU 2 days. I had trouble getting back to walking. I had trouble doing anything really. I still have trouble with some things.
Now i dont know what to do. What should i say to the doctor? should i ask about another surgery? what if he doesnt believe me? What if he thinks im crazy? What if i have to live with this for the rest of my life?
and now for a quote to sum up my life.. "Hope, it is the only thing stronger than fear."
