It is 4:35 am. Been sitting here for a while, not due to a TN attack, but pulling my thoughts together as I say what has been on my heart for a long while.
I see there is a big push among the TN community to rid the disease of the term " Suicide disease." All well and good, but comments I have read has made me very leary to talk about the emotional tole this disease has taken on me. I recently read a blog where the author commented that those who refer to TN as the suicide disease are and I quote, " Drama queens just wanting attention." I thought as I read that, it was a total dismissal of the struggles with depression I have dealt with over 20 years of dealing with TN. I have thought of jumping off a bridge once, and lost count how many times thought I could make the pain end if I just swallowed all my TN meds at once. I now have a safety plan in place with both my primary care doctor, and neurosurgeon, and I have had to use it for the times break through pain has become overwhelming, but thankfully that does not happen often.
In 2013 I was part of a campaign to get means reduction barriers up at the bridge, I considered jumping off of due to TN pain 8 years earlier. I did a interview for Oregon Public Broadcasting, where I talked about TN, and yes I did refer to it as the suicide disease, as I was sharing my truth. That interview went out over a 3 state area, and it educated people about TN, and at the same time suicide prevention.