Sometimes my mom's pain is so bad, she will cry during excruciating nerve pain, I feel helpless not being able to do something for her. What can I do as a caregiver, if anything, to help? I've asked her directly and she says there is nothing I can do but I feel bad just sitting or standing around wheile she is in agony. Does anyone have any tips?
Honestly hug/ hold tell her you love her and will always be there for her
As a TN sufferer I do feel sorry for you (and my husband). Just let her know that you are there when she is having an attack and wait quietly until it is over. I wouldn't suggest hugging her while the attack is on as it may cause more pain. That is all you can do really. I hope your Mum gets some pain relief soon. Take care. Mary
When I have an attack I can’t talk or do anything until it is over. If it is a prolonged attack I just go to bed and try not to move. Having a phone so I can text if I need something is good so I don’t have to talk and I can reach someone in another part of the house easily. Step up and take care of what needs to be done; answering the phone, tending to dinner, etc is a big help. Ask your mom what she wants.
I really appreciate all of your replies. This is the only support I get and believe me, it means a lot.
Hello, As a 63 year old TN sufferer, I can say that when I have an attack and I'm alone, I wish that someone was just there to maybe put on some soft music (very soft) that might calm my anxiety while I'm having an attack. I usually can not move at all. Everything hurts so soft music might be nice. Nothing else helps because I can't walk or have anything touch my face including my hair. I wish your mom lots of luck and I know she wishes you didn't feel so bad about not being able to do anything. She's right though. There is nothing you can do for her. Just ask her about having some soothing music and hopefully she will be in a restful position in a chair. Good luck dear.
I understand the pain. I am a TN sufferer as well. It has been my experience that when I see the hurt and feeling of helplessness in my family’s eyes, it makes my pain even more hard to bear. The guilt of pain is a hard thing to cope with for all of us who suffer. If you want to do something for your dear mother, just let her know that you are there and will always be there. Create for her a stress free and calming atmosphere if possible. Be sure she knows that she is not required to do anything but get well. God bless you both.
My kids and friends ask me this often. My suggestion is to ask your mom when she is feeling good and not in pain what you can do, if anything. It is easier to explain what she is feeling physically and emotionally when she is having an episode. I know for me, the last thing I want is anyone near me or trying to help, which makes it worse. I tell the kids, I can’t talk, think or move. If I am shaking, don’t hug me, don’t talk to me, turn out out the lights, take the dogs and close my door. The best thing you can do is to help before and after attacks with anything she needs. This will be appreciated more and may lessen the attacks or severity. For me, I am usually pushing myself too hard for the kids, for something that they could be doing. When I am under attack, all I want is to lay down in my bed, in the cold and dark and let it run the course. Remember, I know before it hits and I may take anywhere from 1-24 hours before I can function at full capacity. That is when I need support with everything, knowing that pushing it too soon may cause more attacks.
Just be there for her. That is what matters most. Make a point of asking how she is and let her know how strong she is. When I am in a moment of severe pain breathing is the only thing I can concentrate on and cannot handle any type of distraction. It is after the pain subsides that support is greatly appreciated. The pain is exhausting physically and emotionally.
I also really appreciate it when people around me take the time to learn about TN. Not to offer a fix, because I know there isn't one but just to know more about what I go through.
Your mom is very lucky to have you at her side. My mom also has TN so I do know what it is like to watch someone you love in so much pain. She has suffered since I was a teenager, sometimes being in bed for months at a time. Just be there for her and let her know often that you are.
Jane
Cindy,
I completely understand your question and position. My Mom has suffered from TN for over 40 years. Recently she has been experiencing a flare up of pain which is causing panic attacks. When I see her in this condition it is overwhelming to me knowing that I cannot help. I joined this site last night hoping to find coping strategies for my Mom and for me. I can’t help her if I am overwhelmed. Several members have mentioned a book, Striking Back! Trigeminal Neuralgia Face Pain Handbook. I plan to purchase the book this week. I am hoping the book can help me help her.
If you find helpful strategies, please share.
Good luck to you and your Mom.