Stay At Home Parents? How do you get through the day alone with the kids?

[Nicole3]

I'm a stay at home mom with two beautiful, wonderful, AMAZING toddlers.

First we have my little Bug A Boo, Landon. He's my sweet natured, mischevious 2.5 year old that will drive you absolutely bananas one minute and then do something so sweet and compassionate the next it makes your heart melt. My nieces have lovingly nick named Sour Patch Kid because first he's sour then he's sweet.

Next, we have my little Bella-Roo, AyraBella. She's my 11 month old little Love Bug who can be quite the hand full and a tad jealous. She's a snuggler as long as SHE feels like it and when she doesn't she's climbing ANYTHING she can get her feet on or trying her best to jimmy her way into a child proofed cabinet.

Now that Landon's at an age where he's really starting to socialize a lot more and she's getting to a more mobile age I would really like to be pretty active with them. We are a part of a local moms and tots meetup group and it's an amazing thing for both myself and the kids but all that's kind of on hold right now until I can get some more answers and get my pain under control.

The hardest part of all this is the way it effects my children. I worry that Landon's already regressing in the things we've learned because we're not playing the games and spending the time together we usually do. When I finally was feeling okay a few days ago I put AyraBella down for her nap and had a few activities planned for us. I blew off housework and laundry so I could just focus on being a good Mommy for a little while and during our pretend play my sweet little Bug A Boo grabbed my face (very gently) by the cheeks on either side to give me a "REALLY, REALLY big kiss, Mommy" and it instantly triggered an attack.

One second we were mother and son running from dragons and talking about how their fire (just like the fire on the stove) is dangerous to the next second where I'm curled into the fetus position on the floor of the playroom writhing in pain and crying hysterically and begging and pleading with my body to make the pain go away..... "please just make it go away" is all I could choke out between sobs. As the shocks continue to pierce through my face I'm reminded of just how small and sweet my little buddy is as I feel his tiny hands rubbing my back and saying "mommy's got a big owie on her face'? between his own shallow sobs. In those moments of intense pain when it's like there's nothing in the world except your body and that pain we, as parents, can forget that our precious children are there, experiencing every moment of this with us and THAT is something I am NOT okay with. That is something that makes me feel as though I'm failing as a mother. What do we do in those situations? How do we protect our children from the pain we're experiencing? It is MY job to rub his back and it is MY job to comfort HIM. It should NOT be the other way around.

I love my kids unconditionally and I KNOW I'm a REALLY good mom. I'm a great parent and I teach my kids to live in the moment, to be grateful, polite and loving. Landon already shows so much love, compassion and empathy for others that it makes me proud. He's only 2 and I rarely have to remind him to say "yes, please or no, thank you." It's just automatic for him now. He knows his alphabet and the sounds all the letters make and he even knows how to spell a few words already BUT there have been days already when he's asked me to play the Alphabet Game with him and I'm just in too much pain to do it with him. That scares me. I know he's super smart and he's way ahead of where he should be at this age but that's only because we PLAY all the time. I always make up games and we constantly do FUN activities where he just HAPPENS to learn at the same time. I don't want TN to take that away from him. My parents really only relied on teachers to teach me anything and I've found a way to HAVE FUN with my kids AND to teach them at the same time. I don't even think they REALIZE they're learning and I don't want this stupid pain to take that away from me or them!! All I've ever wanted was to become a wife and a mother and I AM. I'm even REALLY good at it....well, I'm really good at the mom part and I'm really good at the whole supportive, loving awesome wife thing. However, if laundry and cleaning are part of my "wifely" duties.....not so great at those, I am a pretty damn good cook though :) I'm just so scared that this pain will take me away from the people MOST important (My husband, soulmate and one true love and my two kids) in my life and I'm afraid it will keep me from doing the ONE job I've ever had that I truly LOVED.

My GP put me on neurontin but I'm not sure I can function on it. I've tried other meds to help with nerves but I can't take any sort of anti depressants as they don't mix with another med I'm on. I take pain medicine already for fibromyalgia but it does NOTHING for this pain. This pain is like nothing I've ever experienced. EVER.

How do the rest of you get through the day at home with your kids? How do you explain what's going on to your little ones?

Thanks for listening everyone. I'm having a super emotional night tonight.

[danielleq]

I have two daughters, 13m and 7 yrs. My oldest knows what I have, knows how it affects me. It affects her too. When she was 3 and 4, I had the same fears you do. That I was holding her back. That it wasn’t fair, that I wasn’t the best mom ever. I still have those fears, even though my 7 yr old is handling it better than I would have thought. She hands me tissues when I cry, turns the tv/radio off and quiet s the room down, tells me to go off to my room for a few minutes to relax. At school, my condition has affected her tremendously. She seeks out children with disabilities and makes friends with them; has empathy for her teachers because she’s knows that adults are just people with problems of their own; and on TN Awareness day, told everybody she saw that day all about my condition and talked about how we need a cure… and, she’s 7. She’s handling it well. Which makes me feel ok. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for… and let me say to you; one of the best “advices” I have received is that it’s ok to be a mom with an illness. Because I can GUARANTEE you that your kids want YOU, pain or not, sick or well, out and about or lying on the couch in a fetal position- they want you, they want their mom, and they will take her anyway they can. They love you, and need you, no matter how you’re feeling. It’s enough for me some days to remember this; no matter how poorly I may be doing, my children need me more than anyone else. And they wouldn’t want anyone else. Give yourself some credit. You’re doing better than a million others out there.

[Tinkerbell1]

Hi, I have 2 children both girls Ava & Poppy, Ava is 3 and Poppy is 15 months. They are like chalk and cheese though. I have lived with TN for 10 years now, although i was misdiagnosed for 9 of those with cluster headaches.

It is so difficult to be a mum in pain almost 24/7, my good days I try really hard to make it up to them as my bad days are horrendous. I literally throw toast & crayons/paper at them whilst I lay on the sofa/bed wishing someone would come and take me away. In the last 6 months I’ve been having serious suicidal thoughts so my husband has been taking time off but this can’t go on forever. I really want a job but there is no way I could hold one down so I am a SAHM now.

When I have bad days I do have a good support group ie my dad he will come and watch my girls. Although my MIL tells me to snap out of it and brings more stress into my house whilst I’m trying to do my best for my family. She will make comments to my 3 year old that ‘mummy is incapable to look after you’ this makes me much worse.

I am always around for a chat although I’m a newbie.

Best wishes Amy x

[tamzee]

Nicole, your children sound like the most adorable kids (love their nicknames!) and they are really lucky to have such a strong and loving mother. I don't have kids myself yet but I can relate to the fear and doubt about not being the best you can be for someone who depends on you. I really feel for you and hope you find some relief soon. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. You will find a world of support and knowledge here. Sending you healing thoughts! hugs