Hi. I have been here before but I do not know how to cope anymore. My fiance and I are supposed to be getting married in August. He has TN among other things. I don't know what to do anymore. I thought that if I loved him enough and was there for him enough that he would feel better. But I feel like everything that I do is wrong. And when I say that I need him for something he says that it is too much. Is it wrong to need him? Is it wrong to want to be with him and do things? I have tried to get him to go see a different doctor to see if there are any new treatments but he thinks he knows it all and he refuses. I know that I have mentioned this before but he does not want the surgery and that has to be completely his decision because he is the one who is dealing with this. I feel like sometimes that he is just with me because he wants the support and does not want to be alone. I also feel like he feels like he has to marry me now because he asked me and all of the plans are made. I need to know how to deal with this. I thought I could but it is getting harder. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
These are all valid questions and it's really good you are asking them NOW instead of after you're married. No one can tell you what to do nor him like you said. The decision has to be his to get help and what type. I know that my husband goes to the moon and back for me, BUT we've been married for 23+ yrs. not just starting out. I would strongly suggest seeking out a third party like your pastor, priest, shaman, whoever is going to marry you. talk to him/her privately perhaps at first of your concerns and listen to the counsel. Again the call is YOURS it's YOUR life and YOUR future. Many blessings and wisdom as you proceed ahead~~
I would suggest counseling - preferably couples - but if not for him
then just you. It is verrry hard to be the support system for this
More than 50% of marriages break up -- so don't do it unless you take some time and evaluate
what he will or won't do, and what you can, or cannot change or accept about him.
This crap really changes your personality. It's chronic and it's forever - with or without symptoms -- it always comes back.
Keep us posted and seek some help for yourself!
This condition is very difficult to deal with - I know for me when I have it, I'd just rather be left alone. I sit very quietly, try to close my eyes and play very soothing music. I keep the room dark and my eyes closed. I'm not much for pain killers - I have many reactions to them. If I am feeling like I am going off of the deep end, my sister will sit with me for awhile. She has excruciating migranes - and can understand a bit what is going on. I agree with the other people who have replied, seek out a third party - your pastor is a great idea - with both of you present - it would be a good idea to feel this whole situation out and go from there --- it doesn't really get any better -- I have had it for 17 years -- and I lose several days a month to it - I know other people lose alot more than I do.....I think I am lucky. I have learned to live with it -
Many blessings to you and your fiance and may you find the right path for the both of you.
I feel for you both cubs. It is hard to have TN and it is hard to see a partner suffer with it and have to lose so much to it. Like shepherd girl I have been married a while and this is not the first health test we have had, so it is easier for us.
One thing to remember is that men do seem more emotionally detached than we ladies even when they have good health. And TN makes sufferers detach too, so for you double whammy of goodies.
He may be missing out if he will not consult and update his treatments, I don't know him but I feel it's always worth checking.
All the best with this, nerves are always fraught before a wedding and I would ask questions of yourself also. It is obvious to us all you do love and care for him. But are these doubts of yourself and a lifetime of being married to a chronic pain patient? That would be a perfectly natural and plausible thought to have and no guilt should be attached to serious concerns. The others suggestion of counselling seems a good idea right now. I had a first marriage dissolve after only 4 years and guess what? I had doubts then which I thought would be alright in the end. They were not and I regret I did not listen to myself.
No matter how much you love him it will not make his pain life better, if that were the case than I would be pain free forever of everything.
I hope you both find a way to make this all work and have a happy life together.
Perfect response Jackie! btdt too " I had a first marriage dissolve after only 4 years and guess what? I had doubts then which I thought would be alright in the end. They were not and I regret I did not listen to myself." You lasted a year longer than I and this was long before the TN ;-)
Cubs, YOU WILL KNOW! Just listen to yourself and be true to yourself also. blessings~~
Shepherd girl. , my first husband could never have coped with me having TN and all the other problems I have had. It does take a special love and affection to cope, I still hope all will be well for cubs and her partner 
It definitely does! I too hope that cubs and her partner can work it out whatever way is best for them!! btw, my husband is a gem among gems! How many men would remarry, take on two little girls, adopt them and treated them like his own flesh and blood since day 1, go onto have 6 more children, and then continue to encourage and love on me even when I am definitely a bit "difficult" to love! :) I always tell younger ones getting married, take the vows "for better for worse in sickness and health" very very seriously as we never know what hand we will be dealt with in life. blessings!!