My wife helps mostly with doctors visits ect. and truly understands my condition.dont get me wrong i am not the perfect husband and i have had trigem for 2 years.Over the last year she seams to be angry alot, i know it is hard for her and have asked her to try a support group but she wont go.I have decided to have mvd surgery.scheduled in 2months.How do i deal with this situation im running out of ideas and dont know if my marriage will make it threw 2 months even.should i move out till the surgery?
In my professional life - I would advise you to seek support elsewhere - a group, on here, a counselor, a pain management doctor, friend.
Women tend to beat around the bush in general, ask her exactly what she wants you to do or say until the surgery, during recovery too. If what she wants, you cannot do.....then you cannot do it. Besides a support group, what things do you want her to do, not to do or say, to help you maintain until recovered? Are you asking for what you need?
I have a son with mild autism from my previous marriage, the divorce rate is 90% - I would imagine divorce rate is high when there is a permanent pain management issue also. Its hard for all involved.
This last year I tried to keep my pain underwraps as a newlywed - the harder I tried not to lean on him, the bitchier I got, and I finally realized that even with my challenges, we could make it thru together.
And if not - then I would live either way. I have a very supportive father and best friend - my young adult kids, not so much.
My husband had a MUCH harder time with me being stupid on meds - it drove him absolutely crazy - that is what drove him to the brink - and he is a VERY patient man
- I would say if I were on those meds for 3-4 years, his unconditional-ish love would dissapate. He's human.
So I had my MVD in October after having TN1 for a year. Got off the meds 2 days before MVD. Have had 12 days or so since, with 4% pain an hour here or there - taken care of with lidocaine patches.
You get support wherever you can -- I was on here all hours of the day and and night - and another message board too.
Wishing you luck and keep posting!
Kimberly
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope I don't come across as harsh when I say that I think this is something you and your wife should talk about as only you two can make that decision and it should be made together. I truly hope your marriage survives this and I wish you a lifetime ahead of pain free happy days. Whatever happens please take care of yourself.
Brian
Hang on in there and stay in the family home, when people have trial separations it can sometimes become permanent because no one can see a way back. The anger your wife feels is most likely against TN and the changes in your joint life, not you. Unfortunately it may be that you are the whipping boy.
Try talking plainly to her. You need to get to the bottom of her anger. A good heated discussion can clear the air and help you both see a way forward.
I feel for you both, TN is tough on the whole family unit. My husband and I have made it through seven years of this and a lot more besides. You can do it and come out stronger.