Finding the good in the bad

A friend once told me that everyone has a story to tell. Thinking about it made me realise that no matter who you are or where you are you have a story to tell. With billions of people on the planet every one of us has a story to tell.

I have always maintained that there has to be a reason for everything. So, why is it that I have TN? I don't know. After all these years I still don't know the 'why'. But I do know that through the pain I have learnt a lot about life and people. I have also learnt a lot about myself. I was always on the go. I did everything as though I was on roller skates. I always had a tight knot in my stomach. I was always tense. I was often rude to people. I was impatient. I was a perfectionist and the dust on the furniture mattered big time.

But through this process of living with TN I have discovered that it is the small things in life that matter. Love matters, kindness matters, smiling at the cashier in the supermarket matters, making time for my family matters. And it has made me a nicer person. No I am not perfect. I still have my days when the pain is so severe that I am snappy - as in short tempered. I am still trying to come to terms with how my life has been turned upside down by this illness and it still doesn't help me when someone tells me that there are thousands of people who are in a much worse position than I am. It really does not improve my condition knowing that. But I am patient with people when they tell me that. I don't yell at them. I just smile.

I still want to know what caused this to happen. But to my credit, even in the beginning when I was so frustrated and bitter that I had to give up my career which I cherished, did I once say "Why me?" In fact I have said "Why not me?". Because I firmly believe there is a reason for everything. Maybe one day I will come to know the reason. Maybe I will never know the reason. But in the meantime I would really like to draw close to people in need and be able to help them - with a kind word, a smile or simply a gentle hello as we pass each other wherever we may meet. You never know whose lives you have touched by just being kind and how much they may need it on that particular day.

Hi Jackie, I will have to think about it because I don't want to be unreliable. Just after I received this from you I went down for three days.

I don't want that to happen if I have committed greet people. I don't want to do it on a sporadic basis.

Thank you for your lovely response.

And maybe you have already answered your own question, because as you say, you have become a better person in so many ways :-) I totally agree with you on the stories, such a pity that people don't often tell them. Maybe love is the most important force in the universe, maybe we move too far away from it in modern busy life, maybe our pain teaches that all over again. Certainly, what you describe is a life expressing more love than before. Thank you for sharing your story. :-)