Dating with chronic illness.. (for all ages)

I saw this on You tube today and was impressed by how relevant it is to anyone, not just the young ones in relationships. Insightful observations. Check it out.

That's a nice video. I have some degree of social phobia as well on top of this condition.

For me, the kicker is basically gender roles. Like it or not, men are expected to be strong confident providers, more often than not. Women stress security: financial, physical, and otherwise as traits desirable in partners. I don't believe it is worth the stress, psychological pain, and effort of dealing with dating as a man with a painful disability.

I think if I was female I'd be more inclined to take a shot, as men are more open to taking the protective role in a relationship. Men have adopted this role for millions of years and there are many logical reasons from an evolutionary standpoint why they might be more open to this psychologically.

I believe modern society has changed so both men and women can be financially independent, but at a base level, what each sex is looking for on average hasn't changed, and likely can't change that much, for dating to be worthwhile for me as a man weakened by pain and mental illness. The closest relationships I've had with women are when they are also ill and can understand my state of weakness with empathy. Generally, when they are healthy themselves, it's more difficult to have empathy for a man that in most senses is weaker than they are and could be defeated physically, financially, and so forth.

There is psychological turmoil in being alone but if I can reduce the pain and survive another day it is a form of victory. Survival of the fittest leaves little room for weakened men.

Personally, I have always had an issue with the whole Darwinian theory. One would hope that humanity evolves beyond this biologically driven bias. Society of the fittest would be a dormant land, think of all the wonders that imperfection and even a persons weakness provide to the world. Its this very diversity that is the opportunity for humanity's strength. Women also are independent and quite often the family breadwinners these days, and yes there are societal expectations on men. I have a beautiful son who has grown into a young man I'm awed by at times. I often think I wouldn't want to be a man, so much is put upon them at times. One of the beautiful things discussed here is how often our medical conditions temper our souls and we as people come out stronger in spirit and with greater empathy for the world at large. If we go into relationships looking for what we can get out of them we limit them by our expectations. If we look at what we offer as whole beings - we open up to the opportunity of the moment. :) You're never alone in this community.

Goodness, kuchak, I don't think you give us enough credit. Fortunately, we are not all programmed to respond alike. Just be yourself.