The pain, the side effects from the meds, Can a long term relationship survive this illness?
I think it takes a very special, supportive person to be in it for the long haul. Having said that, we forget about all the new skills we have acquired as chronic pain individuals. I for one, am incredibly empathetic and compassionate towards any human suffering. (This was an attribute I did not possess prior to my condition starting 2 1/2 years ago.) Hopefully our partners will see that it takes a strong will and determination to power through this. Other non-pain people may not have some of the character or depth that we have developed as a result of dealing with this. I guess if you look at it.. our partners might be considered lucky that they have gone on a journey with someone brave enough to weather this storm.
Jill is right. I does two incredible people to survive this journey. My husband was supportive and I was incredible - but it didn't take me long to figure out that I only had the energy to do one thing - have TN or hold together a bad marriage, so now I go through this journey on my own. And yes - he was a good person and supportive, but our marriage just didn't work. TN amplified that.
If you have a good, strong marriage - it will survive. That't what its all about: for better and for worse......
And if you have what I had there is a whole other support group here for you.
Elaine
I have no words for you - but chronic pain of any type will test even a friendship.
Counseling???? For either or both would be good.
It is possible, we have many members with good, strong long relationships here on site. I have been ill now for nearly nine years with several conditions and we are still bonded well together. Red has been married for thirty four years and his wife has had TN for seventeen years. That is here on record.
I know it is not easy for our loved ones, what is?
If you have personal worries my heart goes out to you.
I've had major depression for 13 years and my husband has been great. I don't have any reason to believe it will change. But I feel like this is so much for him. Even more on his shoulders, more to worry about. Basically guilt, even when I know intellectually that I shouldn't feel guilty.
My soon to be 22 year marriage cerrainly has been tested with tn showing up 10 years ago. We realized it was important to acknowledge the emotional pain tn brings to both of us. (For a long time we just pushed through each day w/o acknowledging how hard this road truly is!)
Also, I ask myself if I would do the same for him if the tables were turned—hands down I would, and then some. No one has ever loved me like he is loving me daily. I hope I can live up to the honor of having his love. If there is any good that tn has brought us, it has taught us to appreciate each other more than ever.
Thank you for sharing positive stories as I’ve heard so many terrible ones, it is hopeful to hear the good ones
This really hard to say if one relationship will last or the other won’t. What I do know is it takes a strong one, and a very strong compasionate partner for it to last. My poor old my man has been put through the ringer. First thrusted into care taker, then seeing me go thru the depths of hell. Then putting up with me and my moods as we (as a couple and family) and my self adjust to this trial of craziness pain path. I have offered him an out over and over again because I don’t find this very fair to him and what he tells every time is pure love and his answer is something to this; “I love you and I took our vows seriously thru sickness and health, you wouldn’t walk away from me if the tables were turned so why should I? I love and care for you no matter what, so get use to it because I’m in it for the long haul”. It is not all love and roses there is a lot of muddy waters to slurp out and bog thru. The point is two people have to be dedicate to each other and their relationship. If this not done it by either party or just one person then the relationship will not last from this or any other hardship. I hope I’m not stepping toes with anyone this is just my thought on it. It does take work that’s for darn sure but yes a relationship can last through TN and sometimes go to a deeper relationship than it was before. So yes a relationship can survive TN. My old man and I will have our 13 th anniversary this November.
I say yes, with a lot of communication. I keep telling my husband, I am not looking for sympathy, I just want you to understand I am not always going to want to go out or do do things and sometimes things just aren't going to make sense. Sometimes wind bothers me sometimes it doesn't for example. Depends on the tempereature outside. I've found I really have to keep commuicating but not so much " complaining". I did a lot that at first and yes he did get tired of that, and yes it was hard to stop doing that so much too. Things aren't perfect, and it's been a struggle, but he is still by my side.
I also say yes. My husband has been wonderful. Randy suffers from chronic back pain so maybe that is why he is so understanding. The most important thing is communication as well as love and understanding. Randy and I always joke that we make the perfect couple his back and my face. We both love and resept each other and remember the vows we took. We have been married 11 years and have been tested first by our kids(teens from prev. marriges), then Randy's failed back surgery and then the move to california because of his back and finally my TN. After all that is anything we are closer than when we got married. Again I will say yes!!!
Encouraging to read all the positives here! celebrating 24years Sept. 11! We will keep the vows we made, through sickness and health...
Mine did not. 14 years and She decided that in sickness was not her thing.
I do not begruge her that, as its a very hard road TN.
Having said that, I am hopeful that The next person I am with will be more supportive and understanding.
I have grown through this and am more comunicative and understanding myself.
Good Communication is the only way a realtionship will last.
I Find The Meds are the biggest issue in my opinion. The pain is one thing but the Meds rob you of your personality and of your decision making ability sometimes.
That might sound like much but I am finding more and more that the lack of Decisiveness, It Is a huge thing.
Perhaps its an Aussie thing I dont know. Anyway Iam working through it.
Simon
Hi Simon,
I also find that I'm lacking decisiveness and I'm "only" taking Lyrica at 150mg and some antidepressants. Sometimes, I'm not able to make up my mind about the smallest of things ... my colleagues laugh about it, luckily I'm working at an administrative position with limited amout of responsibilities, but I don't have enough drive to finish university, for example. I find that I act like a robot - at work and outside; if I try and do something "extra" like going out with friends after work (mind you, it takes a lot of effort these days) I'm exhausted the next day, just because I sat and talked with someone for a couple of hours. I don't have a boyfriend at the moment and I think it will be hard to get one, he'd have to be a complete couch-potatoe to be able to live with me, but in the past I would definitely avoid men like that because I was really active and out-going. Now I turn down guys who invite me to the movies or a dinner, how would I explain to them that an evening out will cause me more pain and exhaustion the next day? If I worked half-time then maybe I'd have more energy but as I only rely on myself to pay the rent going half-time is not the issue at the moment...
Oldriska
SimonL said:
Mine did not. 14 years and She decided that in sickness was not her thing.
I do not begruge her that, as its a very hard road TN.
Having said that, I am hopeful that The next person I am with will be more supportive and understanding.
I have grown through this and am more comunicative and understanding myself.
Good Communication is the only way a realtionship will last.
I Find The Meds are the biggest issue in my opinion. The pain is one thing but the Meds rob you of your personality and of your decision making ability sometimes.
That might sound like much but I am finding more and more that the lack of Decisiveness, It Is a huge thing.
Perhaps its an Aussie thing I dont know. Anyway Iam working through it.
Simon