What on earth is wrong with me, I just dont know what to do with myself. The pain has been really bad this past month, but now it just wont stop at all, and all i do is burst into tears, i try talking to my hubby who is real supportive, before i can get a couple of words out, im in tears, I dont want to go out any where at all, My best friend is fantastic, but same again, all i do is cry, so i dont want to go to see her cause she will soon get fed up if thats all im gonna do wont she. I cant eat, brush my teeth etc, we all know the pain dont we, all i want to do is go to bed and cry, like right now im sitting here writing this and crying, what the hell is wrong with me, Im the one who supports the rest of the family and i cant do it any more. Please any suggestions would be gratefully recieved.
Anita I've been just where you are today. I've tried to be really strong since I got this condition, have made a conscious effort that I'm going to keep going, do as much as I can, keep my sense of humour and not let it beat me. But sometimes it is so damn hard as we all know so well.
I can see you want to be the one who supports everyone else but perhaps you need to take time out from that and look after yourself. If you don't look after yourself you can't be there for others when they need you. Sounds like you have a great guy there so lean on him a bit and let him be there for you. You will get over this - you sound a strong lady, just give yourself some time.
I've felt that way many times, and it's lasted up to few weeks sometimes. I just couldn't do anything but sit and cry all day. It was uncontrollable. And I'd take Xanax and it wouldn't help at all. This usually happens when I'm having a flare up. When the pain is high, I get scared, scared of the present, scared of the future, just scared and unhappy. And I can't stop crying. But when the flare up calms down, and the pain is less, the crying goes away. For me, it is almost an automatic reflex to the severe pain.
At the same time, sometimes I cry when my pain is at low levels, because I fear/know the extreme pain will return.
We're all going through a pretty heavy thing. Most people will never know such pain or fear their entire lives. Crying is a completely normal reaction. I don't know what advice to give you to control it. Meds are one option. Also, I'll try and do gardening or some sort of mindless tasks, like light chores such as folding laundry to get me in sort of a meditative state (true meditation doesn't work for me). Another option is to just accept that you're having a hard time emotionally, let yourself cry, know it's normal, and eventually you'll gain control again.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I know those tears all too well.
This is a tough thing to live with and sometimes I think you just need the mental break from it all. I would like to share and experience I had in case it might be helpful. My doctor had switched one of my medications (my anti-depressant). A few months later, I kept getting more and more depressed. Deeply. Many of our meds can cause depression. I just couldn't figure out why suddenly I had hit rock bottem, so I analyzed trying to determine what had changed. It dawned on me that I had changed that medication. I called my doctor, she was on vacation. I called my Neurologist, who was willing to change it for me. As soon as it was out of my system, I felt better. He wasn't even that confident it would help me, but I was very persistent. It might be worth taking a look at your meds to see if anything might be causing this. . . just in case.
Many people have turned to hobbies to try to keep their mind off of things. You stated when your pain is low, you worry about it returning badly. I go to pottery and concentrate on that so I don't sit around and worry like I used to. I believe there is a post on here from a few months back with other suggestions of what people do. . listen to music, etc.
Please know I am thinking of you and hope it gets better. I have a best friend who is there for me and never gets tired of me. She is truly my support person. But I make sure I am there too, when she needs me. Just talk to her about how you are feeling and I bet you are worrying about that for nothing and you will be able to let that go.
Hugs,
Debbie
How are you feeling today, Anita? I posted around the same time as you did with similar feelings, only I wasn't dealing with pain on top of it all. Just a few days ago, I cut back on my Gabapentin and I feel like myself again--no more tears! I'm talking to people again!
I agree with the others who suggest a look at your meds. And, if you can't make a med change, maybe adding an antidepressant, like Cymbalta, might alleviate the depression AND boost the effectiveness of your TN meds.
Hang in there, girlfriend...
Christi
Debbie's input is excellent. It is wise for all of us to remember that chronic pain and depression are what is called by the medical folks "co-morbid conditions". They often occur at the same time in many people, and they "play off" one another. Pain tires you out and slows you down, leaving you feel isolated and hopeless. Depression often grows out of either the pain or the horrid side effects of some of the drugs taken to control or manage pain.
That said, I've seen papers over the years which suggest that the neuro-chemistry of pain and of depression tends to employ chemical channels in common. Treating for depression can often help improve pain conditions, even at doses of the tri-cyclic antidepressant drugs which are below the range considered therapeutic for pain itself. So if you 're really feeling down and you AREN'T yet on an antidepressant, it may be wise to counsel with your medical care providers about being tried on one of the tri-cyclics such as Amitriptylene. There are several others in this class as well, and you may need to try more than one of them to find one which helps without unacceptable side effects. Oddly enough, some patients on anti-depressants find that they get even more depressed, so you will need to be monitored by a family member or advocate as you explore.
Go in Peace and Power
Red
Don’t say what is wrong with me? You have TN. Thats the source of it all. The pain it awful, debilitating, and it changes our lives forever. You are very lucky that you have supportive people around you. Lean on them and us here. Keep a journal-that does not judge, but just lets you vent. I am the exact same way. But dont blame yourself, you cant control this.