What is this! Pain back again in spikes and random minutes of raw fear. Then it goes away for some time. It always hangs around in the recesses of the right side of my face. Then there is the tinnitus on the same side. Oh, and can’t leave out the ear pain. Why, it isn’t right to forget to leave out the fact that any cool temperature on the right side of my face causes an instant feeling of pain.
Go somewhere special, like to my grandaughter’s iceskating show? Sure, but spending time in the janitor’s warm room bending over in pain - okay. Standing and sitting with my coat’s hood half covering my face in the seating area of the rink- okay. But I saw her twirls and her moves on ice. I saw her dance on ice with her group. She was beautiful. In the end, I hugged her and gave my 10 year old iceskating beauty plenty of smiles and acolades. Went home and collapsed for three days of utter pain. It was worth it.
Christmas is coming. One of my grandaughters is moving to another state before Christmas Eve. She’s only five. Her mom and I are not close. Her dad is my deceased son. My trigeminal nerve is irritated in ways I cannot understand. It just hurts. I bought my little grandaughter a device that will allow skyping and her mother promises she will have her skype at least every other week. The device is for my grandaughter to use. It is hers to take pictures with to send to me. With her mom’s help, she can email pictures of her new home to me. We’ll see.
I do not like Christmas time. I wish I did. I have tried to be proactive. Perhaps next year will be better. If I could get everything finished in October…, then if TN stikes hard in December, I will be more prepared for it. I have already missed two parties, and two great concerts… It’s possible to hear at least part of them if I sit at the back. I don’t feel one bit sorry for myself, just disappointed that my life living with TN disincludes so much life others take for granted.