So Now What?

Archive Blogs (Read Only)
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Somehow, I thought getting on one of these sites and telling my story, engaging in conversation, would help me feel better. It didn't. Inside it has just stirred me up a little more (which is not a good thing for pain!) It works in real life... with human touch... hugs, tears, tissues, all of emotional paraphernalia. I do it for a living, so I get how it works all too well. Yet there is something going on inside of me that I don't get. And that's the part I want to get to.

My life is about to change. I'm retiring. I'm not even 50 yet. I love my job (most of it!) I just can't do it all day, 5 days a week anymore. I've been there 21 years, so I've given it all I've got, no doubt about it. I do a lot from home, which is a godsend, but it's confusing for some and I'm tired of explaining. I guess if I made a lot of money, it would be worth the fight, but I don't. I work for a nonprofit and I've never been in it for the money. It's about the people and what we do. I can still volunteer in some of what we do and serve that way with no strings attached. My terms and use my gifts that I came to the organization for in the first place. My husband is also embarking on a new adventure that is exciting for him and the organization (he is also my boss of 16 years which adds another layer of complication)!

Surrender... what does it mean? That's what this blog is going to be about for me. I'm surrendering to God. I've fought the fight and there is nothing left to do. I've exhausted all the avenues of treatment (except a stimulator and I'm just not ready to go there). I'm on enough meds for now and I can somewhat function and still recognize people in my life (which at one point, I couldn't... thank you Neurontin!) Right now, I can manage most of the pain at home. I have a great support system. My husband is the best. I don't know how he puts up with me and all of my idiosyncrasies, but he does! All 5 of my kids are great and so are the 4 grandkids. My sister lived with me for over a year after my MVD to take care of me (CSF leak, meningitis, occipital neuralgia), so my family is there for me. This one is up to me and God. I'm scared and I'm listening...

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Nancy I did not know what would happen when I would get on this sight, I was looking for support, and understanding, on this pain. I did find that, when I first started readindg blog’s It frighten me so much . Then came a few friend’s that I colud relate to that’s great and yes the caring, I’ve found that also,( Thank’s for caring and being understanding even on Bad day’s when I could not cope with this pain) Also joined a few group’s that help’s with the balance of being scared, to know with this pain there is still enjoyment, Love seeing in group’s Aboute what they enjoy and love in life. I have been so Exhausted but when there are bad day’s ,there is this support group of caring people. And yes im so scared of what this pain bring’s it has touched every aspectin my life. Searching for Humane touch and understanding caring.and support. So I may be strong to get through life with God family and friend’s . (Prayer Sent) Shirely

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I’m paying attention, though I don’t multi-task very well. “TN and ON win this round”, marvelous, Nancy!

My best to Belle and “husband”! I also feel the electric, and I’m out of options…or, am I? bob

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I understand the feeling Bob. Although there are some surgeons that have tried to talk me into doing other treatments. Right now, I tend to believe the 2 that say any other treatment would only make it worse. It is sometimes miserable, but at least I know what I have and can almost handle it (most of the time). Thank God for second and third opinions! I did learn that lesson all too well!

My option is to live a different way... get rid of the stress that triggers it (hence, retire). I will have to curb my hat budget though. That's really depressing! I love my hats... it helps! (or maybe it's laughing at my hats... hmmm)

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Nancy,

Your journey with TN, your MVD complications and your faith touched me. Thanks for sharing it with us. I'm so glad you have a wonderful husband and family that give you so much support.