I haven't celebrated Christmas in years. When I outted myself as Bisexual, my mother stopped speaking to me for almost 5 years. It was her second heart attack that changed her perspective. Said she had to love me for me as it means to love the sinner and not the sin. So she takes it upon herself to visit me from 900+ miles away every year for the last 10 years.
Well my Dad asked that I keep more in touch by phone. I did this over the years. Just cursory events. Or asking info on health issues that my doctor needed. trying to touch base on random days that weren't a government holiday. So when I was diagnosed with TN i called home.
My mother was all sincere and apologetic at first. Then went onto tell me how it sounded like fibromyalgia and how no one believes that's real. I am unsure is she is understanding or tossing me to the side with an imaginary illness. I let it pass. She tells me about a neuropathy she is dealing with also. I ask questions about drugs and so forth and what I knew of them being a pharmacy technician for 4 yrs. Nothing more is said about it until their visit a week ago.
I introduce my parents to a lot of my friends. Mainly as a buffer to keep from fighting as it's destined with my mother. On the last day of their visit I introduce them to my friend Sara, Keri and Melissa.
Sara has MS. She was diagnosed 8 years ago shortly after the birth of her daughter who is 9. I tell my parents how awesome she is because she understands what it's like to have your cognition slow or deteriorate due to illness or just pain. To which my mother says, "Just do games and puzzles to keep your brain active. It's what the 5 year olds do that I teach. If they can adapt, so can you." *blink*blink* My friend said, "My body isn't producing the same chemicals as a 5 yr old anymore. And doing puzzles isn't going to stop my brain from going to swiss cheese." And my mother actually says that because she has lived longer she knows more about our mutual disorders than either of us who is suffering. Are you kidding me? Sara says, "I think being diagnosed for 8 yrs and being treated with these drugs for the last 7 yrs. I know more about my disease than anyone in the room." My mother had to acquiesce to that point. When we both say it's plain frustrating to be discombobulated and no one understands you. It's nice to have someone you can turn to. Which was my point in the beginning. To which she says we've just given up on our health. WTF! Both of us are active in our health care. We have doctors that answer our questions no matter how far into left field. And use each other as a resource when things get rough emotionally, physically and spiritually.
How my mother missed that point is beyond me. How she kept asking questions I'd answered before only to say we aren't taking active roles in our health care was insulting. Then to top it off she asks why I don't sit anymore? I told my other four times that I have arthritis. "How can you have arthritis at 35?" Wow! Not how can I help, are you staying active and taking your prescriptions? Or is your doctor helping you with a work out plan? No, just plain denial that there could be a problem.
This is not how I like to spend my time. This is supposed to be a person who understand when I hurt. And I am left seething with friends watching like a train wreck happened in the middle of their hotel room. And I am frustrated, tired, angry, annoyed and flabbergasted. Sincerely have no desire to speak to her anytime soon. But I know she will keep my from the rest of my family if I do what I want. So for the last two days my face has been tight as if someone were pulling at the muscles underneath.
I am adjusting to the change of 450mg of trileptal 2x daily to 300mg 3x daily. The added stress I know isn't helping with the transition. But I will do my best to ring in the new year with minimal pain, friends and loved ones. I want to put the memory of those 30 minutes behind me. But I know the minute they call, it will come to the forefront. The question is, how will I deal with it?