Is it just me, or is it similar with others that chronic sufferers exude some sort of negativity where the weight of our illness becomes just too much for others to bear? Even those who've stuck with me through it all, and I'm thankful for each one, the day-to-day misery that I live with sometimes becomes just too much. The sad thing is that those who've hung around love me and care about me, like my brother and my friend, and dearest of all, my wife. Today, I had an acute attack a half-hour before she left for her night job -- her second job. Only she sees the severe 8/9 level where I'm groaning into a heating pad. But it's the everyday affairs and my regular 6/7 level of pain and all that comes with it -- poverty, lifestyle changes, not being able to be counted upon to do something or meet somewhere. I've seen it in the eyes of relatives and friends, and heard it in their voices: a sort of hesitancy to get too involved. They want to know how I'm doing, but only if I say "Good." I understand it. On the phone ten years ago, a friend's wife told me that he didn't want to talk to me anymore because he just couldn't handle all my problems. I've only talked with him once since then, as he agreed to meet for coffee in a threesome with another old classmate and me. Ten years. Let me tell you. I've driven away a number of close friends in that time with my heaviness. I do not blame them one bit, in fact, I would probably react the same way. Who much wants to be around a person in perpetual pain? I don't. Hey, I still have people who care, and that's the most important thing. I try to be as upbeat and enthusiastic as I can be, for as long as I can. But......Fill in the blanks......
Thanks, Jamie. Get better, please!
Henry,I was also in that much pain daily just a short time ago. I understand where your coming from and I am Sooooo sorry your having to deal with this monster too. My days still suck (at least most of them) but late night, middle of night has been Good due to new meds. My new med for depression and anxiety makes it hard right now to stay up all night but I hope it gets better after a little time. I pray that you find relief soon.I am just as sick of this terrible non see able disease as my family, friends, and ex people in my life I'm sorry but that is just the way I feel after 20 yrs. I pray for your pain to lessen and for you to find the right meds. ect. to help you. Dawn
Thanks, Dawn. Glad to hear you're making some progress. I see a pain counselor every two weeks, and he's been helping me learn new ways to cope. One of his big things is not losing sight of hope. That's important -- even critical. 20 years? God bless you, as well!