I’ve had increasing pain with geniculate neuralgia. My neurologist started me very slowly on carbemazepine, and i seem to be tolerating it okay. But I’m experiencing increased depression, and I’m taking it out on my husband. What I want to do is take it out on myself. I need to go back to work to get insurance (so full-time work) and I frankly can’t fathom functioning all day. I feel so useless, and I feel like I’m dragging everyone down. I hate pity. I don’t know which way to turn. I’m trying desperately to act normal. People ask me how I’m feeling today. Do they want the truth, or do they want an answer that will make them feel better? I hate this so much. Depression? Absolutely. From the disease or from the meds? I’m not sure.
Sorry for my rant. You folks are the only ones who truly get it.
I believe you are going through depression as a result of your issues and you may have been depressed along time. Perhaps you need an antidepressant to pull you out. I know your overwhelmed and life is not going as planned please notify your doctor. As you know depression is a medical problem.
I’m praying for you. Keep in mind you have a lot of stressors so self care is critical
I'm not going to go through my history but it all started with an accident at the age of 10. Unless someone is a close friend I have discovered people really don't want to hear about anything negative. It's just the way it is. In here you can rant all you want and we "get it"!! I have PKD, a kidney disease so can't take most of the drugs or meds subscribed to people for these types of ailments unfortunately. Pain pills 'can' help and sometimes don't at all from my perspective. It depends upon which pain I'm having. I have all three types of trigeminal neuralgia, but not all are bad or happen at the same times. One of my worst issues is the TMJ arthritis that set into both of my jaws but only the right side usually hurts. They call mine chronic pain syndrome. I do my best to try to minimize any drugs, but that only lasts so long. I also have one of the neuralgias that causes my muscles to hurt down to my chin and affects making my teeth hurt. I take one valium 3 times per day which helps calm the muscles some but not the real pain. It still goes down into my shoulders, especially on the right side. For me most everything is on the right side unless I get one of the two week headaches. I've had that three times for two weeks in a row. That was really bad. I keep hoping it won't come back.
Sometimes going back to work can be the best thing you ever do. If I'm working on something that keeps my mind occupied, I can survive the day so much better. I have been working from home for a while now because I was on dialysis a year and had a transplant a year ago. So the transplant kept the jaw pain and TN away for a number of months. Now I'm back to the pain again. Work does help me though. It gives me purpose and a reason to get out of bed. The tension can bother me at times, but all in all, work is good for me. The best thing is my loving husband who puts up with me. I am usually mellow. Last week I had a fit and he left very mad. I then knew I had to go back into blaming the TN and not involving anyone else. I also hate pity! I know so many people worse off than me. I know I truly have been blessed in life. Not everyone has a stranger offer them a kidney. She has given me purpose and the ability to now go out in public again. I still have to watch what I eat and look out for germs, etc. but, that's just changes you go through with a transplant. I'll be on the anti-rejection meds for life if I'm lucky and never reject this angel of a kidney given to me by a wonderful altruist person. We have to remember even when we get depressed that someone out there loves us, even if we don't think so at the time. We matter to someone!! Take care. I just try my best to keep smiling so no one knows... Lori