I decided to take a shot at normal life today and go horseback riding with my little brother to my moms restaurant for lunch. We saddled up the horses and took off. The 1 hour ride UP there was amazing. I took in all the sites and the sounds of local horses neighing as we rode by The wind was light and the sun was gentle. I started to remember why i LOVED riding so much when i was a teenager. I LOVED TO RUN! A true cowgirl...
Daniel and I got to the restaurant and tied our horses up in the corals. We went in and had a great lunch and bugged my mom a little. As soon as I got outside the pain hit me like lightning!! I had to stop a minute and recover cause the SHOCKING, MIND ALTERING pain only hits about 2-3 times a week. But after it was over it left a horrible throb of pain over and over again throughout the right side of my face... But what could i do? I had to get home. The ride back was absolutely horrible. The "light" wind turned into a strong breeze and the gentle sun felt more like an ice pick in my eye. But before i knew i was back to the house and i skipped taking the saddle off the horse and went right in the house for a pain pill. I HATE absolutely HATE the feeling of depending on a pill to help me out of this HELL and back into life. I waited about 30 minutes and i was back to just the normal amount of pain, the amount i could handle.
Todays little adventure from hell has me questioning my reasoning:
Should i have known or assumed that this outing would cause me pain?
Should I have chosen to skip it?
Am I being irresponsible about my well being?
What must people think? IE: "She's always saying she is in pain, why is she out horseback riding?"
Im not very worried about what other people think, but I do question it from time to time. I just know that i'm trying to make the best of my days despite the CONSTANT pain. I could give up and lay in bed all day, everyday in pajamas.. oh wait, I DO... UGH, well I dont know what to think. All i know now is that I CANNOT be running through Norco on a horse anymore or I will be paying for it for the rest of the day and possibly longer. I am still/again in a significant amount of pain and I think my blog is over because i need to go get yet another percocet... BLEGGHHHH!!
Hi Brenda, sorry you had an icky day. Do you think riding the horse initiated the attack?? Who would guess that tho. I am starting to wonder about a lot of things, like walking in the yard even?? It’s all just sooo strange. Min
I have those kinds of moments. I am going to stay home because when I do .........I get pain. Then I remember the amazing sites and sounds, the way I feel, feeling young again, feeling like a teenager, feeling like a normal person. I forget I have TN when I am in those moments.
No, I don't always leave the house and do the activities I enjoy, but once in awhile you have to throw caution to the wind. You have to do something to remind yourself that you are alive. Sometimes (not everytime) it is worth the pain that you feel after.
So, should you never ride a horse as long as you live? I can't answer that. Perhaps next time, you can take some meds with you. Perhaps you can make arrangements for an alternate way home if an attack occurs. I think you can use this experience as a chance to plan better for next time. I don't think you should rule out doing something that obviously makes you feel alive
@Elaine- I agree. Thank you. It makes me feel like my way of thinking makes sense. I DONT get out much to do things. But when I do i make it a good one!
@Elaine, i didnt see the rest of your comment! I actually did think about that. But the last time I took belongings on horseback, I lost them. And losing my meds IS NOT an option! Lol... and another way home was not possible either as I dont know anybody at all out here except my mom...
@Min- can any of us ever say for sure what causes the attack?? Maybe it was the bouncing of my body against the horse? I have no idea, but I KNOW I won't be out running on the horse any time soon!
Brenda - My trigger is wind and I have heard that is a fairly common trigger. I have also heard direct sunlight is a trigger, though its not mine. If you are not confortable taking your belongings and can’t arrange a ride - maybe just a shorter ride or a ride that circles the property so you can return quickly if the wind / weather changes. Definately not something to give up altogether.