I'm not in pain right now thanks to trileptal, lidocaine and Reiki
But I am absolutely terrified of having this MVD --- I know, I read the stats - about 0 people die from it -- I'm trying to live each day for me and cutting out those who drain me. I have one of the best surgeons in the country, I don't have to worry about work right now - I'm just all over the place:
Somedays its like whooooo I'm going swimming and organize my books and volunteer. Try to keep up my saturday nite dancing dates with hubby.....
Somedays I do not want to get out of bed period - and I don't - because despite the antidepressants -- I know that I'm going to have my skull cut in and my brain peeled over to the side!
But it's easier to not come to acceptance if I'm not in pain. I've always been optimistic
I've set the date, bought the plane tickets - How do I keep the terrification
from striking back ??? !!!
Thats my new word -- Terrification!
I've had many rough spots in life -- but this one is climbing slowly to the top!
I've always been strong and resilient .... why am I soooo fearing anesthesia, fluid leak, AD, even though I cognitively know the percentages are soooo low
I know yoga and chocolate vodka ( not at the same time) won't cure this-- LOL
ANY other suggestions appreciated!!!!!
Kimberly
Kimberly, I'm checking in briefly from vacation in Europe. You asked for some ideas and I'd offer a couple. The fearfulness that people feel when facing MVD has sometimes been compared to PTSD: post traumatic shock disorder. PTSD is sometimes treated by a combination of anti-depressant meds (which you're taking) and rational cognitive therapy administered by a psychologist. RCT is training of a sort -- in managing the focus of your thoughts and perceptions. It's about tools, not rearranging your psyche to suit somebody's ideas of the dirt that was done to you in childhood (even if there was some dirt). It's frequently finished in a period of a few weeks. And even if your MVD is scheduled more quickly than that, a few sessions can be quite constructive.
The other thought is that in the hands of a competent surgical team, MVD is not at all of the character you describe. Your brain doesn't get "shoved aside". In fact, surgeons do their damndest not to touch more than they absolutely must. Likewise, although numbness is certainly not desirable as a side effect of MVD, I've talked with thousands (literally) of patients over the past 16 years -- and many of those who have had this side effect have stated unequivocally that some numbness in the face has been greatly preferable to the pain pre-surgery. AD is obviously a much more difficult deal. But even there, it's perfectly legitimate to ask the surgeon how many of their MVD patients have experienced this outcome. And if the number is higher than 10% then find another provider. In an experienced surgical team, I'd expect 5% or so with a substantial range of severity from "slight" to "severe". One in twenty is darned good odds when you face the alternatives you do.
Just my two Red cents, for whatever they're worth,
Regards,
R.A. "Red" Lawhern, Ph.D.
Resident Research Analyst
Yes, I have a Master's in Social Work, and understand cognitively what to do --- it's just fight or flight
I grabbed a chart from somewhere here -- that shows the progression of the disease with arrows indicating less remission over time ---- end result - no remission --- I don't want to do this surgery down the road - I want to do it now -- just emotions get in the way --- Thanks for helping all of us!
Richard A. "Red" Lawhern said:
Kimberly, I'm checking in briefly from vacation in Europe. You asked for some ideas and I'd offer a couple. The fearfulness that people feel when facing MVD has sometimes been compared to PTSD: post traumatic shock disorder. PTSD is sometimes treated by a combination of anti-depressant meds (which you're taking) and rational cognitive therapy administered by a psychologist. RCT is training of a sort -- in managing the focus of your thoughts and perceptions. It's about tools, not rearranging your psyche to suit somebody's ideas of the dirt that was done to you in childhood (even if there was some dirt). It's frequently finished in a period of a few weeks. And even if your MVD is scheduled more quickly than that, a few sessions can be quite constructive.
The other thought is that in the hands of a competent surgical team, MVD is not at all of the character you describe. Your brain doesn't get "shoved aside". In fact, surgeons do their damndest not to touch more than they absolutely must. Likewise, although numbness is certainly not desirable as a side effect of MVD, I've talked with thousands (literally) of patients over the past 16 years -- and many of those who have had this side effect have stated unequivocally that some numbness in the face has been greatly preferable to the pain pre-surgery. AD is obviously a much more difficult deal. But even there, it's perfectly legitimate to ask the surgeon how many of their MVD patients have experienced this outcome. And if the number is higher than 10% then find another provider. In an experienced surgical team, I'd expect 5% or so with a substantial range of severity from "slight" to "severe". One in twenty is darned good odds when you face the alternatives you do.
Just my two Red cents, for whatever they're worth,
Regards,
R.A. "Red" Lawhern, Ph.D.
Resident Research Analyst
Just keep the mind fame that you’ve got to do it and get it out of the way, so you can recover and gain your life back. It’s impossible not to be scared, so just keep reminding yourself why you’re doing it.