I hate withdrawals the TN and Life

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I don’t know how to begin maybe I’ll start with. Everynight before bed on the second day of my patch I feel a squirming sensation on the inside I cant stay still I burst into tears then I think about the future and the tears go away and I think of a way to quickly die. Then I cry again while I’m writing a a note to my loved ones (even the ones that pulled guilt trips on me to make me feel bad about not going out not wanting to hang out. I’ve explained over and over Im embarressed when TN goes of in public then I panic all the time. What’s life really worth … Well to someone that isn’t in pain or scared of every thing and respected by all would be a fairly comfortable being. That I am not.
I was helping my friend neighbour she is 11 do her homework here the other day she had mountains of it but we went though it all and she managed to get it done despite the problems at home. Her mum comes over and says to my partner where is she? like she’s doing somthing wrong. I quickly help her pack her books and she leaves. The mother gives me a quick glimpse of what felt like “How can you help you depressed junkie?” “what was she really doing?” I felt terrible I thought she’d be happy she got help with her homework. She has a few brothers and sisters.
I know nobody knows me but the doctor, my partner and my friend. The rest at too far a distance to know whats going on they just hear in the peripherals. “she did another failed attempt” and again"shes in hospital for overdose" no wonder they don’t want to know me Im the worst person on this block we called earth. I’ve been depressed before But Im really finding it hard to see straight. I don’t want anyone to get in the way of my fate so I can’t go to hospital or they’ll just drug me. and tell me it’s worth it the TN will go away. Have no faith.
Thanks for reading if you get to. I really felt like writing this but had it been found by anyone close they would get me locked up,
Thanks I know theres probably nothing to say but just hear me out. So I can fulfuill my guilty feeling of not telling anyone else. Ill be online for a while maybe even tomorow.
It’s hard to say it’s so hot hey Judy I would swap some of this weather when the fent works in this heat it almost kills me on top of the other things I have to relax me. I just write a short goodbye on my arm before I fall asleep. What has my life become??? Who am I? I will never know.
Peace,
Dash

Things just got a lot worse… SORRY

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Sounds like you need to talk…Email me ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ Have you checked the side effects of the drugs you are taking??? It’s easy to say hang in there when you hurt and feel so down…But like so many on this site have said…You can’t let this monster get you to the point of no return. You do have a purpose and I believe this will too pass…You have to take one minute at a time when in pain. Paul said “be happy in the state you are in” and Paul was suffering. How hard is that? Well we both know how hard it is and so do many others. But when we find the blessed hope we can manage because we know THE END OF THE STORY…

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hi Dash…i can’t say anymore than all of your friends here have already said. I hope that you can get somewhere with your doctor to give you something to help you through this bad time. I see you as having a lot of love and concern for others and i have always felt better about myself when i am helping others. Maybe you could help troubled teens by sharing what you know and perhaps help them to avoid some of what you are experiencing. Does that make sense? I don’t know Dash but I am really concerned for you and offer my support to you in any way that I can.
Love, Judy

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Thankyou for caring and helping . Today is a new day. I am pushing on day by day.
Much Love, Peace
Dash
It seems yous really know me thankyou for the insights.