I have no idea really homei even got to this point.Believe you, me it has been way worse then this before. I mean not just my tn, but everything else right along with it.So what the heck is wrong with me?I feel very angry, I feel very hurt and I feel very sad. I feel very useless and I hurt very, very bad, and there's not a dang thug I can do about the last part if I could I could fix the rest. This is SO un fair, but I know nothing in life is fair.I need to get something off my chest, there's no room there for anything anyway. Ha! I did something the other day trying in hopes not to go to the er. I did not even remember doing it unroll I went to my Dr. app. yesterday and he brought it up I knew I was mad a few day before that but did not remember who. I did know I was very angry with my now not Dr.So I went to a very short app.What gives a Dr. almost half my age to treat me like a 2 yr old? I nerved said anything to him or about him.He needed to take a chill pill.I did get upset with a nurse but I handled that and we were both ok with she said it was a miss understanding and I said I was sorry I let my pain get the best of me and she said that was understandable.We hugged I thought that was the end of it, she said it was.So my app. was very short I was not going to sit there and let him yell at me. I am not aloud person neither am I one to look for a fight, but something had me fired up even before I had left the house and I hurt don't make me mad when I am already hurting bad.I had listened to him about 3 mins too long.So I stood up to leave and I would have to go right by him to get out.So I stood up he very ugly said sit down I 'm not done talking to you yet. My response was WELL I 'M DONE LISTENING TO YOU AND I ' M GONE!! and I never looked back.He tried to tell me he bent over backwards for me.Well if that's what you call it. OH MY Is all I can say. Everytime I went to him not more then five total, yes he was nice but he didn't know what to give me I did his research work for him and went in and told him what to give me and he did. I have already found a new one I just can't. get in until Sept.5 th.I guess if it gets to bad I still have the er the will at least help me get through a day or two.If I pick and choose my time I can get in and out yesterday was within a hour. GREAT huh? Does any one else ever get bit by the ugy bug every once in awhile? My every once in awhiles are all bunched together here the last few days. I don't. like it when I feel this way I just don't. know how to shake it.Here I go again, do des. have no common sense I just walked past my long mirror, thought about breaking it for a hot sec. but knew I 'd have a big mess to clean up see, even I have some common sense.As I was saying do drs have no common sense? I looked in the mirror and almost scared myself. Ha, and this is just how I looked when I went to the Dr yesterday and I never looked close to that bad any other time and he had the nerve to yell at me I did not do anything that bad that just is not me. I guess I am just venting all over these early morning hrs.I am hurting real bad and I do have 2 other Dr app this morning and I promised myself I would tackle my room so I could come back and hide in here again and at least it might be clean if I start now.So wishing all you beautiful people a painters day HUGS!!
http://pain-topics.org/pdf/IntractablePainSurvival.pdf
Dawn,
I feel your pain my dear. When I find myself there I refer back to the pain survival guide and the book Striking Back. I take a good look at my medications. Then I take a look at my environment. Slight adjustments in one or more areas can help. Sometimes a good talk with a wise person or friend can be validating.
Healing Together, Tree
Hi Dawn,
I am so sorry you are in such a bad state with your pain.
If you truly know in your heart that the doctor yesterday was talking down to you, then you did the right thing by walking out. We need our dignity. Everyone needs their dignity but when the pain is intolerable sometimes that’s all we have in the moment, our sense of human dignity.
Not striking that mirror also shows you have great command of yourself. I have those moments too. Recently I wanted to roar up my neighbours long driveway with my horn blowing just to bother the huge crew that was there being hopeless noisy assholes with their miserable little dogs yelping incessantly. I didn’t do it because I was afraid I might actually might hurt someone. However, for a split second I liked the idea of doing it. That was enough.
Hoping the best for you today with new doctors.
And Tree, thanks for that link. I read it sometime last winter and it helped, but I forgot about it. Just now I put it on my home screen.
I can understand your feelings exactly. I ended up going to 4 different neurologists who treated me like I was crazy and a drug addict. They never did diagnose my ATN, my chiropractor did. I have been to my current neurologist (WONDERFUL) who is at the University of Utah Neuroscience clinic. I was actually treated like a human being. Even though I was being correctly treated by a series of meds, I got so bad, starting in Dec, that I was going to the clinic (IV pain treatments) or the ER every 4-5 days. In June I underwent MVD surgery. It turned out I had serious compression in two places. Now I am recovered from the actual surgery, I am still experiencing daily pain (4-7), but I have not yet had to get IV help. For this I am grateful, but I am still sad every day that I am in such pain. I use prayer and the support of my family and friends to get me through this. Maybe the MVD can help you like it helped me. I pray to God that I never go back to where I was before the surgery. On the days when I am at a 6-7, I just take it one hour at a time and know that tomorrow may be better, and many times it is. Even though you may feel very weak, this trial is making you into a strong person. You will have love and empathy for those around you that suffer. Much love and prayers go out you.
It seems that most of us on here have had bad experiences with doctors at some point in our treatment. My first doctor I went to, a neurologist, tried two different drugs with me, when they didn't work he wanted me to go for gamma knife. When I told him I didn't want to do that (we were talking on the phone by the way), that I wanted to try some other drugs, he went off on me, I started to tell him that it was my body and I wasn't going to do anything I wasn't comfortable with, he hung up on me! Real professional, huh! He refused to see me after that, because I was "non-compliant" with his treatment plan. I wanted to wring his neck. It took days for my blood pressure to settle down after that one!
This monster we fight with day in and day out gives us good days and bad days, sometimes it is good moments and bad moments. We just have to try to breathe and do this minute, this hour. Don't think about how you are going to make it until your next appt. Just do what you can to make it through right now, whether that is drinking some hot tea, taking a warm bath, lying down in the dark, wrapping your face in heat or cold, whatever works for you. Tomorrow is so overwhelming when today hurts so bad!
Wishing you less pain and more joy!!
Karen
Thank - you all for your prayers and support.I did not think it was ever going to get better but it did ease up a lot yesterday morning. The pain was so bad I didn't it would ever stop, but I must of dozed off and I woke up acouple hrs later and no pain for several hours it is just so weird, later it started but until last night it was pretty good, the best in along time.It seems as the night hours it has become cooler.That will drive my pain right up.It went from a 4 to a 7 in a hr. I at least had relief for a minute.THANKS AGAIN, HUGS, dawn
I've been there. Especially in the early days, as I've suffered for twelve years, now. When things are too much for me, I usually withdraw so I won't hurt anyone. I especially try to avoid driving after 1:00 p.m., as the pain increases through the day and so does my annoyance. The most important thing for me has been old fashioned "hope." The doctor I worked with at The Cleveland Clinic kept telling me not to give up -- that they were on the verge of trying a new nerve stimulator. But he ran out of patience with me and sent me to a surgeon who is going to try a radical procedure in October. Anyway...please know that there are many of us who at least understand the frustration of perpetual pain. Hang in there!!!!