Well, it finally hit. All the emotions at once. So, I've been bawling my eyes out all day, which has lead to a massive headache, increased TN pain, and puffy eyes, blah, blah, blah....I know poor me. My biggest struggles right now are that I'm not being a good enough mom. I feel like the most terrible mom ever. My daughter (15) is so active in sports & very smart in school, but she is getting more stress & depressed. My 10 year old son just doesn't understand. It all is overly emotional and all of it breaks my heart.
One week from, today I'll be at Mayo Clinic. I want my husband there. He can't get out of work, because his boss is going to be on a family vacation, and my hubby is next in charge. So my mom is taking me. And while I have all the confidence in the world that she will do fine, but its just not the same as having Darrin there. (No offense mom). My kids' lives will be going on while I'm at Mayo. Dayna has volleyball games & cheerleading. Dalton has football games & practices. I feel like I'm missing out on SO much. I hate feeling like such a worthless mom. I can barely get their laundry & dishes kept up, and I'm down again.
I don't know why God chose me to have TN. I don't understand it. I Know thousands of people are praying for me and I do feel the prayers. And appreciate them very much. Why Lord, why me, why this, why my family, why? I know I was chosen for this but I'm struggling with it very much. People tell me to be strong, and hang in there, but I just want the end of this chapter to get over right away, so I can quit reading this horrible chapter! I want to get to the good stuff. But I'm not a patient person, so pray for patience, because I need it.
Monday, Oct 7 is International Trigeminal Neuralgia Day. Asking that you wear teal, turn your Facebook page teal, and TALK to people about this horrible disease. We cannot do it alone. Please educate yourself, even if you just Google Trigeminal Neuralgia (also knows as the Suicide Disease), please spread the word.
Need a hug tonight-
Robbie