This is the second time I have written this. I guess I can add it to my other crazy things like car keys in the refrigerator and television remote in my pocketbook. Tough six months. The failed Gamma Knife and three nerve blocks have moved me to make this decision. Three consults with all three concluding that two blood vessels are doing something around the nerve. I am having the MVD done in the Thomas Jefferson Neuroscience Hospital in Philadelphia. The Gamma left me with R/S facial numbness. I cannot deal with the teeth pain. It feels like someone has hooked up an electrical wire to all of my teeth on the right side and they are taking turns shocking me. To do nothing is literally adding insult to injury. The meds are making me think strange things that really have me uncomfortable. I have nightmares to best the band. I yell out in my sleep and wake up my husband with the most outlandish stories. Two trips to the ER for pain management, like I have never experienced before. I keep wondering how did it fall apart so fast?
I need help. I am having the procedure done this Tuesday. What I would love to do is have a large Marguerita and run down the beach and into the ocean with wild abandon. I see misspells here but I am moving on. I am so restless and nervous that I vacuumed my bathtub and gave my granddaughters Guinea Pig a wash and blow dry. Any suggestions as to how I can settle down? The Xanex is doing nothing. My heart is beating outside my body and I do not want to talk to one more person. I know it’s mean but I can’t. If one more person asks me if I’m scared, I will not be responsible for what happens next. The beach thing is looking good, if the rip currents weren’t so bad.