I recently moved across the state to a city where I know no one but the medical care is better and the environmental conditions were extremely better.
After 10 weeks the medical situations are getting great attention, but the 'mental' aspect of the move has pushed me into blinding and paralyzing panic.
I'm now on 3 meds for high blood pressure, but after a recent surgery when I was under anesthetic the bp was absolutely normal. Proved to me the problem is due to panic and anxiety.
Coming up on my 1 year anniversary of the diagnosis it's finally setting in that my memory issues are not going to be resolved after a 5 month attack. The meds, attacks and fear of attacks when I feel functional consume my days.
So many times when I moved here the forms had 'occupation' to fill in. I've started to leave it blank. That's how I feel. No passion, goal, usefulness.
Now the one things I had even on disability I am having to give up, owning a small hobby business, because I just can't grasp the numbers and paperwork anymore without getting overwhelmed.
Becoming a TV addict is the only way my life has progressed other than gardening. Anti social just out of fear of people asking what I do; what do I do? I hurt.
AND, I'm in month 13 of my disability review appeal with a lawyer, and the catastrophic thinking spirals out of control.
What would happen if they deny it? What would I do? I have NO ONE. Can do NOTHING at this point.
Trying to read positivity healing books, meditation, work with the new really great docs but it takes time to get them all up to speed especially when my old hospital refuses to release my neuro records...
EEEK!
How do other people finally go about accepting their old life is over and then finding a new path?
Vanessa