Today is my birthday. My family and friends were over celebrating with me. I could honestly say this was the second day without severe pain. I found myself isolating in the corner of my kitchen just watching others have a good time on my special day. I wanted to stay clear of the fan because I did not want to fall to my knees... if I should have a TN attack. I have read several stories of that FEAR. Well, I tell you it’s not fun. I do not want to live in captivity to this FEAR. Once you think you have your to do list of life workable…TN is added.
No, it won’t always be like this, in fact many people with TN experience remissions. These can last days, weeks, months, years.
The fear is real, very real.
Although we don’t have control of the pain or when it hits, I have always believed I still have control of my mind and my thoughts.
Easier said than done, it’s a constant work in progress but I do a daily mantra type thing where I state that there is hope beyond fear, there is a life without pain…I believe it.
Some days were harder than others to believe but you have to believe.
All the best of wishes for the year ahead, I wish you many pain free days!
(( hugs )) Mimi
Sabrina,
Happy Birthday! Okay, to get to your questions regarding fear…once a few days have passed, you begin forgetting…then each day you forget more and look forward instead of looking back, now, I am also assuming that you are discovering your triggers and each day you become more comfortable navigating them, at some point you will not even know that you have retreated away from a fan, at least on a conscious level. I do things as second nature, now. As for the fear, it is there…if I allow it, it could become unbearable…but I do not give it the power. TN takes so much from us, I refuse to let it take anything that I can possibly control.
When you are so close to your last attack, it is hard not to isolate a bit…it was your birthday and you had to be with people…had it been a ‘normal’ day, you could have had a quiet day/evening and not been forced to examine isolation, fear, etc.
I hope I am making sense. I know what I want to convey to you and yet I seem to be uncharactaristically grasping for words.
Wishing you the best
Saber
It is interesting that you mention the Mantra because I have started making index cards with postive and inspirational things. I am refusing to live in fear.
Thanks :)
Mimi said:
No, it won't always be like this, in fact many people with TN experience remissions. These can last days, weeks, months, years.
The fear is real, very real.
Although we don't have control of the pain or when it hits, I have always believed I still have control of my mind and my thoughts.
Easier said than done, it's a constant work in progress but I do a daily mantra type thing where I state that there is hope beyond fear, there is a life without pain...I believe it.
Some days were harder than others to believe but you have to believe.
All the best of wishes for the year ahead, I wish you many pain free days!
(( hugs )) Mimi
You are so right. I was so careful...that it was crazy. I do understand what you are saying because eventually all of this new TN life changes will be second nature. I have been in alot of pain today and BP is up, so trust me, I am learning fast to appreciate the low pain days. I am staying postive and holding my head up even if its in moments. I have so many things I want to do and I refuse to become TN.
Now, of course that me talking today.
Thanks :)
Sleopard41 said:
Sabrina,
Happy Birthday! Okay, to get to your questions regarding fear....once a few days have passed, you begin forgetting...then each day you forget more and look forward instead of looking back, now, I am also assuming that you are discovering your triggers and each day you become more comfortable navigating them, at some point you will not even know that you have retreated away from a fan, at least on a conscious level. I do things as second nature, now. As for the fear, it is there...if I allow it, it could become unbearable..but I do not give it the power. TN takes so much from us, I refuse to let it take anything that I can possibly control.
When you are so close to your last attack, it is hard not to isolate a bit...it was your birthday and you had to be with people..had it been a 'normal' day, you could have had a quiet day/evening and not been forced to examine isolation, fear, etc.
I hope I am making sense. I know what I want to convey to you and yet I seem to be uncharactaristically grasping for words.
Wishing you the best
Saber
Hahaha! Yes, each day is a gift filled with different emotions…sorry about your high pain day and BP, that is awful…but, just think, tomorrow is a new day and maybe a pain free one! I love your positive attitude and with that intact, you will be fine. 
All my best,
Saber
First off...........happy late birthday! Second, I sometimes just DECIDE that I am going to have a good time today and if the pain comes later, so be it! Sometimes I decide that I am GOING to go outside and play with my grandson ANYWAY. If I have to pay for it later, I don't care! If it's windy out, I just wear a hoodie and try to turn away from the wind when the gusts hit. I have been doing well lately thank God! When it gets to the point that I am in pain more often than not, then I am having the MVD. Try to psych yourself up to do that and see if your fears get less. At least you can have a good time when you're NOT in pain. (((((((((HUGS)))))))))