Just read so many heart warming and heart retching responses. This is a very common thread between us! I just went through hell trying to up my meds of Gabapentin. Allergic to Tegretol and now realizing allergic somewhat to Gabapentin, only went as high as 800 mg and I thought my head was going to explode, must have upped my high blood pressure and I couldn't think straight at all.
I'm on the mend, back down to 600 mg. For some people that low amount must be a joke. Just can't tolerate these types of meds. Couldn't imagine if I had to live with someone going through this not too mention a job or a "social life". I looked like crap and felt even worse. And I was still in pain. But as of last night and more today I have a clearer head and am functioning better. Prayed a lot and just relaxed and let it be.
Kcall, I have been there. I actually sit in an office chair at the kitchen table. I have a big window that faces out to the back yard and I can see and hear the birds and see my dog when he's out there. A small T.V. is on the table and so is my laptop. A true picture of a single gal who's able to accommodate herself without bothering anyone else. It has it's perks, lol.
I bought some Tiger Balm last night and so far so good. Hard to get used to it's strong lingering odor.
Othellocop, you made a good point......"at least it's not cancer". easier to appreciate when the pain has subsided and when we're not in that "dark" place. I'll try to remember that!!
I've been told to take B12 supplements and I was but I think I need to pick up some more. Thanks for the reminder!
It's so hard to feel JUDGED.....I too had someone not believe me when I said - that I cannot sit in a wooden chair for very long, it effects not only my back but my entire spine up to my, bad neck and then of course into my jaw and face!! I was at another woman's house one day a few years ago having coffee, when all of a sudden she smirked (like she had just caught me in a trap) and said....I knew it, I've been timing you and you have sat in that chair and not gotten up for 30 mins.) I was shocked at how someone could be so cruel and calculating, I thought she had just invited me over for a coffee as a "friend", turns out she had a plan to discredited what I had been saying. My mouth dropped and then I looked her in the eye and said "if you'd been watching, I have been squirming in this chair the whole time. trying to be social and not be rude by getting up in the middle of your conversation." I also pointed out that this chair had a cushion on it. I got up and left and have not seen her since. Not all people are that bad, but she sure opened my eyes at how I might be perceived.
I like the saying "Don't judge me, til you've walked a mile in my shoes", sadly I'm sure I have judged others in my mind but since this all has happened it's made me more compassionate to others. A silver lining.?
Praying for you Shadirah, in this pregnancy. Couldn't imagine that!
Tree69, I too have lost a lot like perhaps some others here as well. When my Mom passed away in 2005, I just couldn't get over it, I've never felt such anguish and she lived to a good old age. I often wonder if that stress pushed my TMJ over the edge and then brought on Fibromyalgia, then the Fiancee left, then the money dwindled, and a bankruptcy thrown in for good measure, then on long term disability after the TN came on board! I've had TMJ for 23 years but it was only in flare ups, since 2005 it seems like it's worked it's way up to everyday and just won't stop...which is always a concern that it will cause a flare up in the TN. If I seem anti social to others I've come to grips with it, I tried for too long to "fit" in, at my own expense. If I have to treat myself like a "little princess" then so be it. If I can't rake my leaves properly or shovel my walk as good as the next guy, then tough is what I say now.
Like you posted Stephanie "What people don't see" is the crux of the problem, if we were in a wheelchair for example, a visible sign of what's what, it would be different. After almost 7 years of the beginning of the end of my so called "social life" I've learned not to care as much as to what other's might think. It still hurts though.
It feels good to know we're not alone in the bad stuff and it feels good to know that we all share a form of appreciation and strength to carry on! We share, we learn from each other! I cry quite a bit these days and they are tears of joy and realization of others in pain, physically and emotionally, when I read what all of you have to say. I had a counselor once tell me that I need to cry, I hate crying. I would refuse to cry!! That was about 2-3 years ago and she couldn't have been more right! Perhaps I have a lot of pent up tears. There's a stage of grief!
My 30 year old son took me to pick up a few groceries last night and it was short but really nice, just me and him. We were chatting about food and cooking and joking around and I said something to him like..."boy you must have had a good Mom" and he said something that broke my heart for a minute...he said "ya.."had"....ah poor guy, I felt like it was the first truthful moment for me and him since all the pain became too much (5 years) So we had a quick chat about it and as a Mom the first thing I said to him was "I'm so sorry, this must have been hard on you the way I've changed", he said "ya", and a funny thing happened, we both smiled and had a quick hug and continued joking around and shopping and chatting, just like we used to do!! :)
Wow!! It was the best thing that could ever have happened. In that moment in a grocery store of all places, he and I finally got things out in the open!! A huge burden lifted that was causing a wedge between us.
Geesh, can you tell that I miss talking, now I go on and on by writing, hee hee hee! Sorry about that!
I'm finding this so therapeutic! Working through the stages of grief! I don't think I have really done that!
Thanks to all of you and I pray for peace for all of us!
