I AM NOT CONSIDERING SUICIDE***
I am just wondering, have any of you considered suicide because your pain was so bad? And what did you do as a distraction?
Love to all.
Hi, long time no “see”, how are you?
I can tell you that NO, I have never considered it.
I can tell you that when my pain has reached 10/10 and beyond and most recently my worst day ever, with TN it lasted 13hours!!
That day all I could do was pain, I tried everything…by hour 10, I was on my knees , begging a higher power for mercy…
I did find that a heating pad helped for comfort…I read some uplifting quotes, put on a movie, tried scribbling in my journal to vent and whine…I took a hot bath with lavender to relax.
The pain can be so intense that it is really hard to focus…the key is trying. Reminding yourself that the pain can go away, this is NOT forever.
When my pain was so bad, I couldn’t watch the movie, I had a hard time reading, could barely write, but I tried… I honestly didn’t get relief until I passed out from the exhaustion of having the pain.
The key for me is trying everything I can to get through…and realizing that sometimes you just have to focus on yourself, get through… and know that tomorrow is another day. It’s not easy, I wish there was an easy answer… Unfortunately sometimes you just have to get through one minute at a time…
Sending you ((( hugs ))) Mimi
There were many times I wish I just would not wake up -- The depression from TN and meds made me hopeless -- I had to quit my job and dancing and my life as a newlywed - all on hold - then I started researching better treatments for me - and the more I researched the more hope I had -- and I always came here night and day!
If whatever you are doing is not working - change it! If whoever you are working with isn't keeping you out of pain - change them!
To be honest pain has been so bad i simply thought i would die from it..it sounds silly but really when your pain reached that level when u have to think to breathe and close your eyes and go into a safe place in your mind and keep telling yourself it will pass or continually pray or just like mimi said, literally pass out for the exhaustion i will do anything from moment to moment to just 'cope'.
When pain is constant and bad there are very dark times that you have to do your best to combat, and feeling you wish u were just dead But when the pain is truly..like nothing else all i can think is 'stop, stop, stop!' and then its like a desperation to survive and also as mimi said, the higher power comes to mind. I pray my heart out although it is more of a repetition of 'help me, make it stop' A minute at a time is too much to think about, another minute of that much pain is just too much, so i take moments at a time and when i have even a SLIGHT decrease from that worst pain i will do something else, change position or get another pillow or get something to hold on my face, anything, something different and then i am ready for the next few minutes again, i wont lie, there is nothing that can distract me when its at its worst. For a slighlty lower or a more irritating regular pain (if you can call it that) there is another thread with some goodf helpful tips.
Basically the strength to carry on and focusing on how my mind can affect my acceptance to pain is the 'distraction' for me..i shut off all else but my thoughts and i try to reassure myself constantly. xx
Yes ....everyday I don't feel alive anymore and i'm having to fight for my life everyday. Doesn't help that everywhere you read its called the suicide disease. So now we all have that idea in our brain ..along with all the pain. Like mel i've been in so much pain i've actually thought i was going to go. my boxer sadie is a good distraction shes always at my side and I know I don't want to leave her. We need to find a way to make a difference and make TN and facial pain into more awareness.
Yes, I have ATN and there were times when the pain was constant, it never was close to 10/10 on the pain scale but then again I never got a break from the pain either. I was exhausted physically and mentally, couldn't concentrate on my job, stopped seeing my friends, stopped my life, basically...it was all too much to bear. When my medication (Neurontin) failed and a lidocaine shot into my chin stopped working after like 1 hour, and add to that a neurologist who tells you there are just about 3 other meds to try...well, I just didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And then I mentioned something along those lines to a psychiatric nurse I was then seeing for a therapy and bingo! I got prescribed antidepressants and my neuro changed me to Lyrica. My life improved within a couple of days. I started seeing a new acupuncturist at that time as well and a masseur who himself had a nerve condintion ...they both gave me a physical relief, but also hope a strenght to cope with life. I honestly believe that there is always hope that things will get better as long as we are alive. I hope you'll feel better soon xx
All of the above. Right now I am struggling. My head is foggy from the meds, Lyrica, but my pain is lingering in the back. I hate the whole game that is played out, especially now it's cold outside. I am trying to not be angry but I am. I get to the place where I hate my whole life, feel like the worst wife and mother. Like life is passing me by. then I remember that each day I have a choice and many choices before me. I hate that when I think life is going to be okay it seems to slam me in the face double, I know that I have to hag on for my children they need whatever part of mothering I can do. I keep trying something new but keep striking out and go back to the tried and true. I pray that you will have strength to continue on with blessings surrounding you~~
Hi, I have never actually contemplated suicide but I remember the early days when I was first diagnosed with this and before the meds had chance to kick in saying to my husband that I can't live with this pain. I had read about the 'suicde disease' following this comment and could relate to why people would think this but I also thought that there must be a way to stop this pain and that soon the meds would kick in! Like many people on here I could not tolerate the meds and seemed to live in a bubble for months, trying out different meds. I could not use heat pads to help ease the pain as different temperatures set off the pain big styles, the thing I liked best to help me relax, having a bath, I was also unable to do as the steam in the bathroom set it off again so I had to find other distractions for the pain,one major one was talking to people on here and sharing how I was feeling, another was playing games on the computer such as solitaire, I had to focus on the game rather on what was going on inside my head!
Like Kc, I was a newlywed and had only been married 2 months when my TN started so it was a great start to married life! I have also since lost my job as a social worker due to this condition which has been hard but I have to try and think that I must look after myself first and worry about looking for another job once I am well again; so all in all this condition has really tested me and my fight for survival and no way was I going to give in to it. Sice being diagnosed in Oct 2011, I now have 3 grandchildren so I have a lot to live for, it's not always looking at the hear and now but projecting ourselves into the future and what we have to look forward to and all of the wonderful things we would miss out on if we 'gave in'!
As the others have said, distraction is one of our biggest assets in helping to deal with the pain when the meds aren't working or aren't able to control the pain and we all find our own method which works for us as individuals and sharing these methods with each other is vital and this site is so valuable in allowing people to share their experiences and for others to learn from them, it makes us feel that we are not alone in fighting this illness and that we can carry on knowing that we are not alone. I would say to anyone who is feeling down or depressed as a result of this condition to use this site as much as they can as there are a lot of people on here to offer support and advice when you need it the most. I do hope that these posts help you and give you the strength to know that 'yes' this illness does get to all of us from time to time but we don't have to let it beat us!
Hoping for better days for you soon : )
Yes. Was actually to the point of making real plans to do so before i found a dr who believed me and started me on the tegretol and whatnot. I really could not look at facing the rest of my life (another 40-50 YEARS in this kind of pain).
What kept me from going through with those plans...*sigh* cowardice, first off. But i also found that writing my fears and frustrations and depression down on paper really helped. It helped "get it out" of me, for a while anyway.
Also, music helped a lot. Just listening to music sometimes distracted me. Mostly listening to old music from my younger years is what helped the most.
Also, i found that for some reason, when i played DDO (dungeons and dragons online) that i could go hours without any pain. Maybe because i was so focus on the game? I don't know. But i played that a lot too.
~Mistee
One of the medications took over my mind and nearly pushed me over the edge...I was just a lump, I could not function and I had been lying under my dining room table crying hysterically for 45 min when my Pops rang on the phone. He detected the situation and said "stay there and do NOT do anything" he drove over and sat with me for 5 hrs until the dosage moved out of my system and my mindset returned. Im actually a pretty positive guy so its strange b/c I have clear memories of these strong thoughts/feelings. Note: we called the Dr too who instructed us to dispose/destroy any remaining pills of that med.
The TN and the meds have beaten me down. The built in barometer is less than fun...and Im definitely "darker" but at the end of the day "I like me" ...even the new "new me" I still like him even though he is very different. I have serious bitterness/anger issues but would never harm others (I may smash a plate or 2 or throw my phone against a brick wall, but thats it)
You should check your meds and also be sure you talk to friends and family, but DO NOT GIVE UP (even if you do not have strong HOPE, it is OK, there are SO many people that can relate to you).
I just recently found hope when visiting Johns Hopkins who has helped me believe that I have a part in the success of the surgery that I have to believe it will work.
Hi sweetie! How are you??? I haven't really considered suicide, but I prayed for God to please make it stop, even if that meant for me to die. I know that if it lasted constantly for months, I probably WOULD think about it though. I am thankful that I haven't had an attack for months on end. Mine have lasted usually 1-3 weeks at a time. Love to you!
Without all of the details as these memories are still freash in my mind and can be pretty raw; it was the thoughts of my loved ones. I need to be here for my precious daughters, how could I be the best role model for them if I committed such act? Who would be there for them as they grew up and needed me? Then how would my husband go on without me and care for our babies? They would be devisted. How would my mom, dad, sisters, family, and friends feel? These were the thoughts that prevented me from doing any such harm to my self. The other thought was is I could handle the last minute why not the next? I would literally could down the hours, minutes, and seconds like this at times. Then I would repeat or chant to my self there phrase this is just a stage and this will stage will be over soon I can get through this. Lastly I would always make sure to tell my husband and doctor/s because these are such scary thoughts and so unlike me. If there was a time I felt like I couldn’t be by my self because of these horrid thoughts I would make sure my husband would just sit with me and hold my hand, rub my back, and just tell me everything would be okay. These are really scary thouhts and feelings I encourage anyone having the thought of suicide to talk with someone any one, or call the hotline these are listed in the home page of this site.
Tooyoungtosuffer I hope your doing better and feeling better. I know you’ve had a rough battle but it will get better.
How well you describe the thoughts that a lot us have had kari, I think that you have clearly highlighed the things which stop us carrying out or thinking such acts so well. I wish there was a like button under peoples comments as I would definately have pressed it for your comment. Mandy : )
i agree..."like" buttons are needed.
(when i first came here, while reading posts, i kept looking for "like" buttons...)
~Mistee
lol!! me too Mistee ;-)
wow, so many of you express exactly my life and my thoughts. Thanks for the reassurance that i am not alone, because right now it sure feels like it. blessings to all~~
Hi, I have had one attack that lasted 3 hours and it was the most excruciating pain of my life. I am TERRIFIED of ever feeling that much pain ever again!!!! During these "attacks" I cannot even move (even the vibrations of others moving in the house is too much for me) During the attack I wasn't like "oh i want to kill my self" but I definitely thought "I can 100% see why some people do!" During these attacks when bad thoughts cross my mind I just think of my two beautiful babies (my 2 year old son and my 8 month old daughter) and my fiance...who are my world. I just keep telling myself over and over again how I can get through this, that it will end and I can once again be enjoying them like I should.
I have bilateral TN and when the pain is on my right side I have shocks sporadically throughout the day. When the pain is on my left side I have occasional shocks, but it is mainly the stabbing pain for about 15 minutes after a trigger. The left side is more sensitive to triggers, but the pain is more mild (it has just recently started on my left). I have noticed that chewing is my worst trigger of all on both sides. So I have given up eating ANYTHING that requires chewing. I drink fruit/veggie smoothies and then anything I can swallow whole. This has helped stop the "big attacks" as mentioned above. But I still get the daily pains.
Sorry I am at work and I was interrupted and I cannot for the life of me remember what the point of the second paragraph was!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope this helped. Keep thinking of all the positives in your life...it really does help! :)
I view the pain as a terrorist- and I would never negotiate or relent to a terrorist. A good life is the best revenge.
You will find the way.
good thought painfrie
Of Course - and i know many with this situation consider(ed) it... when the pain was unbareable (And it was not episodic.. it lasted for days and weeks with NO break) NO human can stand it..
I guess. .. that many of us .. with the pain ... woke up at night dreaming they have thier theeth pulled from the pain...
or at waking .. .u felt like u can't take it anymore .. you dont know where to "run from" the pain.
Many imaging ways how one can kill himself.... and finding out it's not that easy... even with overdose etc.