Living with the Suicide Disease

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THIS %$&*^$ HURTS!!
Even though I am a Christian and go to church and all that, when the nerve pain in my face kicks up, that is about the only thought that is in my mind. For the first two years with this horrible condition, I was on narcotics, basically to save my life to keep me out of pain that might make me depressed or suicidal.
Yes, I have a condition that is subtitled “The Suicide Disease.” Wikipedia actually has an easy to read, accurate, description of it. It is really hard to treat and destroyed my old life in many ways, yet it let me to a new life. I am finding it hard to be grateful to an illness that causes me pain almost every day. But God has His plan.

Even though as I type this, I am laying so my face is propped up against a heating pad, I would NEVER take my own life. It is against nature and a sin. That isn’t the point of this blog. Some people who don’t have the medicine that barely works for me might consider it, and that is heartbreaking. I pray for them.

I am thankful for my wonderful husband and friends. It hasn’t been easy. My Myspace readers will recall me reporting friend stealing my pain meds, leading to a doctor thinking I was a pill popper. (I NEVER TAKE MORE THAN PRESCRIBED). I have had family problems because they, understandably, tire of seeing me in pain and feel helpless. My ex husband just fled. I thought I was doomed to have nothing but the pain and my dogs. But I met a wonderful man, who understands, takes care of me when needed and takes his vows as seriously as I do.

We now have a church family and when I am down, they are there to delightfully distract me. Meditating in prayer helps me deal with the "mind numbing" pain. Bible study helps me put my pain in perspective.

I now live in the most peaceful place I have ever been. It is quiet and the pace is slower. I miss my friends and family but thanks to my Blackberry, they are always in my pocket.

I have found a new doctor up here in the country and he is determined to help me control this pain. I found him from a friend in church.

My dogs are doing well and love acres in which they can run around.

I may have the “suicide disease” but I wouldn’t miss a minute of my life, just the way it is.

I thank God for my life and everyone in it.

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Thank you, Ro. I think that peer support is vitally important when coping with a chronic condition. I try to explain how bad it feels and I get an exasperated response from my family because they just want me to be better already. I have some good times but nobody is as disappointed as I am when the pain comes back.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas as well. <3

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That was the truth and im happy to hear it i feel i want to end the pain but not my life,its like u feel that u cant turn to anyone because u are always in pain,at first i use to hide it and take my self to the hospital in the middle of the nite and not bother anyone with it untill it got so bad i stayed in hospital for a week,i have filled in my family and my fiance with tn and what it is and i was happy when i have pain now i have all the support form my family and fiance, i think its amzeing u pulled yourself thru this and is liveing life to the fullist much love ur way mina xxxx