Welcome to Living With Facial Pain! Haven’t had much gardening experience myself - but I am definitely one of the bigger advocates for calming walks haha.
It sounds like you have been through a very frustrating journey with all the specialists and treatments you’ve tried - but I encourage you to stay positive. Hopefully, becoming a member of our awesome community will provide you with some much needed emotional support - so you might want to try getting involved in discussions.
But furthermore, it is always worrying to hear the mention of suicidal thoughts. I strongly encourage you to check out the links we have posted to our Crisis/Help lines whenever these may surface:
Please don’t forget that you are now part of a support network of caring individuals - so I wish you the best in your journey towards recovery! Also, please do not hesitate to contact me if you ever have any questions or concerns!