Lori, do not EVER, EVER EVER feel bad about speaking your mind about your pain! That is what this place is for. We understand here. I know I do. I'm sorry for your pain, and especially sorry/angry for your botched MVD.
I know exactly what you mean about pain management doctors. I have been in pain management many years. As a matter of fact I was there today to get my DATED scripts, had to take a urine drug test, and get some cortisone shots in my feet. My pain doc is not happy that I had neck surgery done since he had been giving me RFA's for many years. Last time I asked him what he thought about my c spine he said he didn't think I needed surgery yet. At the end of the day though I had to go home to ME and the incontinence and balance issues were really griping at me. Not to mention the radiculopathy that came back after he accidentally gave me an rfa in the SAME side of my neck two weeks in a row! Big OOPS! I never called him on it although he certainly did goof. lol
I could tell you some whopper horror stories about pain mgmt doctors and pharmacists and the stigma that comes along with being a chronic pain patient on narcotics. I mind my p's and q's and play along as well. I work from home, always make sure they are familiar with that fact, and I'm always smiling. They do not like to prescribe pain meds to people who show pain. Attitude is everything though so I suppose it doesn't hurt anything, right?
Well..I got my electric bone fuser today! I wear it a half hour every day. I was told it splits the cells but they grow back after about 20 hours. Interesting. And this helps healing.
Idk if you or I or Bella (up there, hello Bella!!!!!!!) will ever have our old life back, but I do know that this life is still good. I don't wake up to the sun in my window anymore (I have double black out drapes, I am highly photosensitive), Idk if I'll ever romp on the beach like I used to..but I still wake up!!! I still have a new day each and every day!! I just handle it differently. I use a comfy pillow on my neck, I ride the supermarket carts when I need to (plantar fasciitis and connective tissue issues sometimes), I adapt. We all adapt. The pain has become a part of who I am. I don't know if it drives me to do things or causes me to not do things, but the fact is it is there. Some is easier to deal with others. We just do..I want to share a story with you..better yet, I'm going to direct you to my friends blog where we are having this same conversation.
I've long described my experience with tn attacks during the worst of them as horrific and I have said in describing them that if you would have handed me a gun during it I would have used it. This is a lie. Here's the thread: Tala's Reflections Blog I hope you'll check it out. Tala is a wonderful smart person, she's native american and really interesting.
I hope you'll read it when you have time.
Lori Lori Lori...do not agree to another surgery with someone your not sure of..keep them on that thread..yikes!!!! So sorry you have to deal with that stress!
Love to ALL, HUGS, Julie :)