Hey Shindig!
Great to see you posting already!
Heather so glad you got out today and at least had a browse amongst the flowers! I hope you’re getting some answers and a treatment plan with your docs. Let us know.
I’m presently on the ferry on my way to my little island and it is drop dead gorgeous. Not warm like Texas but I’ll take it today. It’s windy so I’m staying in the car but my place is a bit protected and I can soak in the sun.
Yes, even if I can hold up enough to give my daughter’s husband a break I will be happy. It will be an amazing experience! I can hardly wait.
Shindig, sounds like you are going to be just dandy for that Pacific fishing trip!
I forgot to add making it to ACL Fest in Austin in October. It’s a HUGE 3 day music festival that I used to go to EVERY year with the same group of friends. Last year I ended up not being able to use my wristbands so I sold them to my brother who lives in Austin and he and his wife went. They were even able to take my niece and nephew for awhile during the day since kids get in free. I’m on a list to pre-order tickets cheap (they sell out super fast) so I bought four wristbands for this year hoping we could all go together. I REALLY hope this gamma knife procedure does the trick for me so I can start training for all that walking! The festival grounds are huge and there are like 5 different stages you have to walk back and forth from to see the acts you want to see. It’s an amazing experience.
Beautiful images, thanks. Yes, Washington State is gorgeous. Three years ago two good friends came over to see me when I had been ill for about six months and we still didn’t know why so they decided a little holiday might make me feel better so we went down to Victoria (charming little city at south end of Vancouver Island where my oldest (the pregnant one) daughter lives), took the Coho car ferry over to Port Ageles on the Olympic Peninsula and proceeded on down the coast for a few days and then into Oregon and Canon Beach (i never wanted to leave) stayed a few nights then cut back into Washington State and up through to Seattle and back to Vancouver. So much astounding beauty. But that’s when I started to figure out that driving is something that triggers my pain. About six months later i went down to seattle with one of those friends to see the Picasso show at SAM and walking through the Pike Market I thought the sound from all the traffic was going to split my ear/ head. Still, I just loved walking all around downtown Seattle. There is a ferry from Victoria that has a daily route down called the Victoria Clipper.
So the island I live on is one of the Gulf Islands which is really a geographic continuation of the San Juan’s. I’ve spent a few days on San Juan and the forest looks much like the forest here but it is a very wealthy place! My little island has a population of less than 400, it has never been clear cut so it has a lovely mixed forest. I live in a small cottage that was put up in 1971 and has some early west coast design flavour, almost all windows which is pretty damn drafty in the winter! I do heat with a woodstove and that’s become a problem for me since lifting heavy stuff is a big pain trigger. Also I can’t chop wood anymore, which I got really good at. I never came here intending to live alone all year long in this place but that’s how it turned out. Now that I’m ready to go the market is so soft I need to hang on for another year or two at least before I head back into a city, probably Victoria.
If you and Shindigsgirl get up this way you are welcome to hang out for awhile. You can hang a crabpot off the end of the old remnants of my dock and try your luck.
Hey Heather I’ve heard that festival is just a blast. Also that Austin is a pretty funky place in general. Lots happening there in the arts scene. It’s a good sign you bought the bracelets. Something to look forward to as you say. we need these things. I’m really hoping that gamma knife works for you too. Do you know when you’re going to get it?
shindig said:
You’re up on the Canadian side aren’t you? Is it still the Puget Sound? East of Vancouver Island? I can’t wait to go on the halibut fishing trip. I would be plenty happy just going out in the puget sound which has awesome fishing, but this trip goes another 30-50 miles out in the ocean off WA.
I love the ferry rides, it’s like a trip to a new world. You can go from Seattle to small town farm country with a quick ferry ride here. The San Juan islands are amazing so I imagine the Canadian side must be just as lush and probably less populated which I’d prefer. I miss having a wood burning stove or fireplace.
I hope to use my camera this year, don’t think I did last year, here’s why I love WA state
Bellalarke said:
I’m presently on the ferry on my way to my little island and it is drop dead gorgeous. Not warm like Texas but I’ll take it today. It’s windy so I’m staying in the car but my place is a bit protected and I can soak in the sun.
Shindig, sounds like you are going to be just dandy for that Pacific fishing trip!
I grew up in Austin. Spent the better part of 29 years there. It is everything cool that you’ve ever heard about it. We are originally from Michigan and my dad got his degree in art from University of Michigan, so I was raised with a deep love and respect for art. I’ve seen you mention that you draw. What medium do you work in? I used to also go with my parents to an awesome art festival in Dunedin, FL when it didn’t conflict with ACL festival. They usually happen right around the same time. I’d love to see some of your work sometime!
My gamma knife is scheduled for 5:00am on May 6th. It’s sooooo early! It’s a 45 min drive from where I live too! I’d stay in a hotel close to the hospital the night before, but I think I will get better sleep if I have my pups with me. I will be home and resting by that afternoon I think. It’s pretty amazing. I am stating pretty positive that this will work. If not 100% at least enough to let me reduce my meds so I’m functional!!
I want to sleep for 8 hours and not wake up in pain. This is my dream :-)
I can drug myself into 8 hours of sleep easily. It’s the waking up pain free part I can’t seem to get down.
HCal,
It WILL work! Positive thoughts!!
(( hugs )) Mimi xx
I feel like a laboratory rat testing all these different medicines, trying to find one or a combination that relieves pain with tolerable side effects. Sleep has been a big issue for me for years and years. But one thing I have concluded with certainty is, living with the pain is worse than the side effects of some of these medicines. I went though some rough days before I started official treatment. I hate the idea of being dependent on medicine though. It makes me feel week. But I have promised myself to never let a medicine control me. I will always control its use. I will keep my dignity.
I was taking amitriptyline for pain and it was great for sleep but as I built up my dose, I started to not feel like myself. Like a zombie! And its effectiveness for putting me to sleep weakened quickly too. I'm asking my doctor about rotating medicines so as to not build tolerance and dependence so quickly. I'd still like to be able to quite all medicine sometimes just to feel normal even at the expense of feeling my natural pain.
Opps sorry I got sidetracked from your blog subject!
Hope you get to enjoy those things you miss! Gnite!
Just a tip, a lot of my meds make me bnauseous so my doc gave zofran. I’m out like a light in about 10-15 min and sleep for a good 6-8 hours. I’m fading as I type. See attached pic for the greatness this drug allows for me
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Sleep non-medicated is on my list too but I take what I can get now too although a bit bumpy last few days ditching the trileptal in one fell swoop.
Anyway, back to note you posted earlier yesterday. Growing up in the art world like that is a rarefied experience! Wow. I came from such a backwater with little or no expectations but made up for it in my 30s when I went to art school full time. It all started when I saw real, major art for the first time when I went away to London with a girlfriend and left husband and girls for a week for the first time. I walked into the Tate and then the Hayward and it was a clarion call. First time I got a chance when we moved to a city was jump right in with a beautiful open beginners mind. OMG it was a tough slog. By times thrilling by times despairing. I didn’t look like an art student or act like one. I left right after classes to drive my kids to riding lessons or music lessons and make muffins for their lunches. I did my work at home. Oh the macho instructors: one asshole shouted at me one day " obliviously you have the facility to draw but do you have anything to say, you are so domestic". Oh I had some great women instructors too but it was hard to find my voice and stand my ground. Hell yes I was domestic. So what. But I learned the game and got political and theoretical and pulled off a video installation at the end of my first semester of fourth year that blew their socks off and they more or less graduated me on the spot. I got respect but I had to stop painting and drawing to get it. A year after graduating I had a curated show. Then I wrote a small experimental book of fiction and got that published and was invited to a few university and women’s centres across the country to read and show my artwork. It as an exciting time and I blossomed. I had such a great time I decided to write another book. That took me the better part of decade, working on it off and on. So many other tragic events were happening in my life by then but I never gave up on it. I was invited to make my debut at a major international literary festival end of Oct. 2009. It was so exciting. And then I woke up with my first attack of TN on nov. 5th and it progressed quickly. So I didn’t get out for much publicity. Anyway, back to drawing. I started seriously drawing again in 2005 and have built up a big body of work. One thing about the TN is that it has forced me to go deeper than I ever could have imagined, learning how to let the pain run on one track while I find my place on the paper with another. I’ve become some sort of coastal Agnes Martin living here like a monk doing my work. I am so encouraged by people who’ve seen it to get it out into the world but I can hardly get myself out to medical appointments right now. I know deep within that it is such good work. I’d like to beam that asshole instructor into my little studio and rub his nose in it…but no matter, really. So yes, one of the things I look forward to is to get my work out into the world again. I will attach a couple of images I made just for fun in February to try to brighten myself up, it’s not part of of major work which I’m not putting on the net until I’m ready. They were just taken with my iphone and over- exposed. Thanks for asking…that was quite a rant!
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BTW, love the image of you and gorgeous dog. Good to see you looking so peaceful for a bit.
Only one image attached. So here’s the other.
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Also I was thinking that there is more than one way to enjoy a music festival. Keep a bracelet even if you’re not 100%. You can take in bits and pieces, choosing carefully. Perhaps not all the walking in a day. Not exactly the same but not nothing either.
Wow, may 6, coming up fast. My positive thoughts are soooooooo with you on this procedure. It just has to work. It will work.
Those pieces are beautiful! I hope you get to show your major works soon.
I have another dog, Radar, but he is an oddball and insists upon sleeping under my feather comforter every night. In fact, he starts bugging me around 10:00pm every single night to get up from watching TV and go to bed so he can get under the covers, so I rarely get pics of him in bed. He likes to snuggle blanket free on my couch with me, but I’m at my parents house now and he isn’t allowed on their furniture lol. I’ll attack a picture of him though so he gets equal face time.
My dad has been pushing me to write (seriously) for about the last year. I started on a couple of ideas, and actually started writing one, but the pain and medication make it hard. In fact I feel awful right now so I’m going to have to end this and maybe come back later 
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Wonderful bond you have with those dogs. Unconditional love:) great healer.
I can see that writing comes pouring out of you, one of the reasons I respond so much to your posts. The meds make it hard to keep focus on anything more than a few paragraphs. I encourage you to keep writing as a possibility in the back of your head in the weeks and months to come leading to your next procedure and after. Just keep makings the blog entries and also some kind of journal. Someday when you are clear headed you will be able to see what it is all leading to, and where it is going. Whatever the outcome the practice will keep your sharp for future studies. After all, it is the future we talking about here in this discussion. We need something bright to lead us on, not just the misery of the moment.
Rest well.
Bellalarke said:
right on.
And I have learned that not all people who wear two wool hats on warm breezy days are not off their rockers:)
If you get out to the west coast head on over the boarder, I am not far.Hi Bellarlarke ~I got a chuckle out of your wool warm hat reply....I can so understand!
I have a tie- dyed fleece scarf wrap in proximenty of me at all times! (I actually have several). Yes, even in the hot summer..The slightest wind really bothers me.I also find comfort in just placing my face onto the softness of it when having a painful moment.My friends have got use to me and my scarves, but I sure get funny looks from strangers when I have itwrapped around my face in nice weather!Glad we can laugh at this!PS...I am to to the group / not sure where you are from as far as across the border but we went across theborder in White Rock, BC last week for great fish & chips ;)
Hi HCal...nice to read your list. Someday all those will come true to your life. Keep those visions.
Your picture is adorable with your pooch. Isn't it great to get love and comfort from a dog. I have a Beagle and
he is so caring, sometimes petting him just makes me feel a bit better. I know he knows when I don't feel well....he is always right by me. I am sure yours is too ;)
Take care,
Beachwalkmm
HCal said:
Just a tip, a lot of my meds make me bnauseous so my doc gave zofran. I'm out like a light in about 10-15 min and sleep foAwr a good 6-8 hours. I'm fading as I type. See attached pic for the greatness this drug allows for me
Hi Beachwalkmm
Oh so happy to share a laugh. I am sitting in my kitchen with a wool tam layered over a fleece toque. I sleep with a hot water bottle under my pillow and a cashmere sweater across my head. The hats are on the pillow next me. Even if I get up for a pee in the middle of the night I reach for them first.mwhat conditioning, eh?
Now you know I am Canadian. I live on one of the Gulf Islands. Where are you?
Peace and Kindness
Bellalarke
beachwalkmm said:
Bellalarke said:right on.
And I have learned that not all people who wear two wool hats on warm breezy days are not off their rockers:)
If you get out to the west coast head on over the boarder, I am not far.Hi Bellarlarke ~I got a chuckle out of your wool warm hat reply....I can so understand!
I have a tie- dyed fleece scarf wrap in proximenty of me at all times! (I actually have several). Yes, even in the hot summer..The slightest wind really bothers me.I also find comfort in just placing my face onto the softness of it when having a painful moment.My friends have got use to me and my scarves, but I sure get funny looks from strangers when I have itwrapped around my face in nice weather!Glad we can laugh at this!PS...I am to to the group / not sure where you are from as far as across the border but we went across theborder in White Rock, BC last week for great fish & chips ;)