I've been robbed!

I have been robbed! This monster we affectionately call TN has robbed me of so many things in my life. This invisible disease that rips your teeth out, that inserts ice picks, hot iron rods and other various instruments of torture into your eyes and ears and head stole precious things from me and I am fighting mad!

First, it has taken away my hope of having more children. I have been sick for 5 years that required 3 abdominal surgeries and last year I finally got the go ahead from my obgyn that we could try for another one. So, this past spring, I weaned off all my meds so we could try and get pregnant. But, the last month, my pain has gone through the roof and I am to the point where I can't function, I can't take care of myself or my family. I have to go back on the meds and try to get things under control. I have to be able to take care of the 4 precious children I have and I can't do that without the meds anymore.

It stole my wind! I grew up fishing with my dad. I think I took my first steps on a boat. I still love to go fishing with him but I can't. I can't take the wind blowing on my face as we race through the water. I can't stand on the beach and look at the beautiful ocean.

It stole my music! I love to sing, I love to play the flute. I love to sit with my husband at the piano and sing with him. I love to turn up the radio and dance around the kitchen with my kids. I love to go to the symphony and listen to the amazing notes coming from those instruments. But I can't anymore. It hurts too much.

It stole my fun! I can't go to the movies anymore with my husband. I can't go to a sports bar and watch the game with him. I can't hike in the mountains anymore because the change in elevation sets things off.

It almost stole the very breath in my lungs. How many times have I sat, thinking how easy it would be just to end it all. I want to be done hurting. I just don't have the strength to do this anymore. It almost took my very life.

But...it didn't! I am still here and I still draw breath and I am not done fighting. All these things that I have lost, I still have so many wonderful things in my life.

First of all, I still have faith, faith in my God who I know loves me and has everything under control.

I have my amazing husband who lets me squeeze his hand when the shocks come until I have cut off the circulation. He kisses the good side of my face and tells me he is right there with me, no matter what!

I have my four precious children who have learned the hard way what it means to love and serve others, who whisper when mommy is hurting,who make sure mommy's heat wrap is always warmed up, who give me sweet hugs and pray for me every day.

I have friends and other family who support me and pray for me, including my friends here on LivingwithTN.

I am not giving up. I am done giving up! I am going to fight this thing and I will survive. I may have been robbed of so many things, but I have not been defeated!

No words, just ((((((( HUGS )))))))!!!

I have sat here & just cried because it sounds like i wrote this! I totally am with u! My kids r still having a really hard time with it & my husband is not as supportive. So, u do have a tons of things going right for u!! Always keep that in mind that it could be worse. :wink: