I can also relate to this very much so. It’s like you’ve taken my thoughts and feelings and written them down!! I’m 33 and a mum of 3 and carry so much guilt for the fact that my kids often have to witness sick mum. I don’t want to worry you but just share my own experience, I had the mvd late last year and unfortunately even though the surgeon seen it as successful at the time, i have had little relief. Sadly quite the opposite, sometimes I feel as though its worse now.
Before reading this post I was feeling very alone and was wishing more people understood, I get so suck of being sick if you know what I mean? At times feeling like there’s no real point in even telling anyone I am in pain. I feel like my partner is sick of me being in pain and sometimes I even question whether he believes me. I too smile and say I’m good when I’m killing on the inside because really what’s the point in trying to explain to people that cannot understand? Plus it’s probably easier trying to ignore myself. I have to say after having an unsuccessful mvd I have somewhat lost my faith.
Thankyou again for your post, it has done more for me tonight than you would realize. I feel better knowing I’m not the only one. Love to you all xxxx
All I can say to this is AMEN. I would not have been able to say it so well. Thank you.
Oh Tina...you brought a tear to my eye.. when I got to the part of not a mountain as high as this one. I've been saying for the last year now... If GOD didn't think I could handle this, I wouldn't have it. There has to be a reason why I do.
I hope everything went well for you, and I appreciate everything you wrote here too! Peace, Min
:D Just remember that when it gets rough, there is purpose....Hang in there!
Amen I absolutely loved your post and it was very inspiring. I have found myself bitter some days for I am only 25 and feel at times my life as I imagined it has been robbed from me. Then I look at my two beautiful children and see the reason to keep fighting. The Lord has never given me more than I could handle so I guess I can say he sees me as pretty strong. Good luck with your surgery and im praying for you!
Much love and support to you.
AMEN!! You put in words so beautifully what I wanted to. I copied and pasted it and sent it to my husband. Without my faith I would not be here. This definitely is the suicide disease. My meds help but what kind of life do I have? Thanks for the encouragement. God is still God and I am not!! blessings~~
ps how did your surgery turn out?
Thanks everyone for your kind words...my surgery was a success! The left side is completely pain free. Now I have to have another surgery on the right side. God is so very good and He is still in control. :)
Yay!!!!
Hang in there buddy, you can do it, six years of "hells plague" and five operations, including my last one MVD..I wish I had done the MVD right off the get go...Im 80% better after 18 months....maybe you will be 100%....God Bless
YEAH FOR TINA!!! So good to hear your surgery was successful!! Many blessings~~
Thank you for writing this beautiful piece!!! I too give it to the Lord. This disease is too much to carry alone. Love to you.
So, So , So thankful for your relief! I am blessed by your story, your courage and your faith! Thank you so much for sharing. Sending Hugs, Sara
:D PTL
am right w/ you in your article. right with you! i am thinking of job, God allowed satan to plaque job. God ministered to job's heart. that is what i will pray for ....for God to minister to our hearts that are broken. i have concluded this is my lot in life. i don't ask to be cured. i am thankful for the days i am ok. i have a lump in my throat reading your article. too many lumps went into right side head and ear. that is my achilles tendon.
Robin Lawlor said:
am right w/ you in your article. right with you! i am thinking of job, God allowed satan to plaque job. God ministered to job's heart. that is what i will pray for ....for God to minister to our hearts that are broken. i have concluded this is my lot in life. i don't ask to be cured. i am thankful for the days i am ok. i have a lump in my throat reading your article. too many lumps went into right side head and ear. that is my achilles tendon. so glad your surg was a success. God bless you!
Your absolutely right. I always think of Paul. He had a "thorn in his flesh" but God decided he needed to keep it. He chose not to heal Paul, so his thorns could bring Him glory. Pain is awful, but it is alot easier to manage when you know it has purpose. Hang in there Robin!
thanks tinah276.
I thank you so much for what you and everyone here has posted. When I was officially diagnosed with TN and learned that it was referred to as the "suicide disease" I allowed the fear to take over my faith. I have a mother who suffers from severe depression and my brother, my only sibling took his own life 4 years ago. I have never suffered from depression but as this disease progresses I often find myself thinking along those lines. How many times do I lie awake at night, afraid to go sleep. I'm not afraid that I won't wake up but afraid of how it will be when I do. I have found myself thinking it would be so much easier if I just didn't wake up. I thank you so much for jolting that fear from me and reminding me to replace it with faith.
we will all work on these things together. i was a hospice nurse and pediatric nurse......sometimes i think what is the purpose of my life......pain and suffering. well if it is for the good of God, i will suffer for Him. all the above hells plague is true. believe that i will always have this and the evil one sends it or God allows it does matter b/c ultimately God has the say, the upper hand. Isiah somewhere....I am God who creates light and darkness, good and calamity.......i will hide behind the cross of Jesus. God knows we have this evil, evil disease and Jesus felt the sharpness of pain, brutally. none of us want it, but if the Lord said, I choose you to carry this, would you say no or are we wounded soldiers in the warfare? we are and will troop thru together in the deepest trench. our mind is the battlefield and our bodies and heads feel the worst of the worst. when i have attacks, i prop my head with a soft baby blanket so it does not tilt, vomit in bags from pain and pressure and remember very little. I try and hold an invisible hand.....no-one can be around me.....i can't bear it.....alone unless need the emer room. Bless us all.
jhowland said:
I thank you so much for what you and everyone here has posted. When I was officially diagnosed with TN and learned that it was referred to as the "suicide disease" I allowed the fear to take over my faith. I have a mother who suffers from severe depression and my brother, my only sibling took his own life 4 years ago. I have never suffered from depression but as this disease progresses I often find myself thinking along those lines. How many times do I lie awake at night, afraid to go sleep. I'm not afraid that I won't wake up but afraid of how it will be when I do. I have found myself thinking it would be so much easier if I just didn't wake up. I thank you so much for jolting that fear from me and reminding me to replace it with faith.