Day 13

So, today is day 13 and what has kicked off as a remarkable start has had some bumps. I overdid it at the wedding events, 3 days in a row of talking and doing things that I am not used to was a test of the way my head is working.

Thursday, Sat and Sun morning I've had migraines, and intermittent headaches, but they went away with excedrin.

Today had a small one creep up but cut it off with a nap and some meds, and itching like crazy.

Did lots of cooking yesterday, finally made the tikka masala I've been waiting to make, and I love it except it may be off on the spices, seemed too tomato-ey at first, but maybe the cream broke. I don't know. I found out a way to freeze the cilantro so that will help, and I HAVE to get my stuff over to Rosie's freezer to make room for working in the freezer.

Now making enchiladas and grapeleaves are on the menu in the next couple days. grapeleaves first, and I want to know if they are freezeable after they are made.

Starting to finally want to organize the apartment in the way I want but don't have the energy.

Just texted J, afraid K intervened and called me back... Bloodbath tonight? See him again? All depends on him I guess...

I suppose he had his phone on the charger and she checked it... and called me. Bound to happen. Now that I'm feeling better it's time to find someone that I want to be with that is available to be with me.

Never really thought about being with someone for the past several years since my health puts me in the place that I don't feel anyone would want to take on someone with my issues.

I wouldn't want to be at his house right now. I guess one more thing forcing my life to change...

Now it's just waiting for SSDI to find out what the heck they are going to be doing with my life, and see what to do about some other issues around here that are more important, but I know things are going to be rough there... Crap.

After talking to Sharon I know I should be myself and get myself really out there... But I have to get myself healed first.

Considering I am just starting to feel human again after years of pain is what I need to concentrate on. I was giviing of myself what I didn't have to give...

Time to grow.

We always knew it was temporary, just not how quickly it would end. It's been over a year and a half, so I got too used to it.

I hated myself because of the pain for years and years. Put up walls knowing no one else would be able to tolerate what I am. Time to shift that perspective, maybe Marlene can help with that.